Friday, December 16, 2011

It's been 3 months...

quite literally.

how did that happen?
well, i did say i'd be on hiatus...

i think often of things i'd like to write, but don't have the time. or it seems too mundane to write an entire post about. i assume most bloggers feel the same way, but somehow find a way around it. or are just better writers than i am. or maybe most of them just have more interesting lives...

in any case, we're less than 1 1/2 weeks from Christmas, and i'm giddy with thoughts of family, friends, babies, pedicures, cookies, delicious food of all kinds, and general happiness. oh, and time off work. i can't wait. my twin nephews are 3 1/2 months old, and they are adorable as ever (as is my niece) and i just wish i had (if not a time machine to be able to re-do periods of time and do EVERYTHING) at least a space machine that would allow me to travel the 2 hours in seconds so i could go visit more often. this would help with friendships as well.

maybe i should invent that.
yes. i'll get on it.

well, that's really all the time i can spare today - and it will probably be another (but hopefully not as) long span of time before i write again... if you have ideas of what i can write about/stories you'd like to hear, leave comments, let me know. :)

Until then - have a happy Christmas!

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Doctor & Captain Bluebear

I have been reading "The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear" (which I discovered thanks to a recommendation by an Australian YouTuber and his list of favorite novels). There's a part in the middle of the story where the Bluebear has an affect on something that happened in his past by what he does in his present (the future). Suddenly, the author is explaining to the reader (directly) about how this is possible and why it can happen and that it doesn't make sense "but there it is".

I realized that it bothered me not because it was confusion, but because i couldn't understand a need for the explanation. Clearly I've watched a ton of Doctor Who; this type of thing is a common occurrence in several story lines, and among many characters. Particularly, I recall a recent episode (vague spoiler alert, skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to be spoiled or let down from vagueness) when the Doctor does something simply because he knows he did it since he saw the results in the past even though he's using the past experience to tell him what to do in his present (the future from the past) so he can still succeed in the same way in the past and get to the future where he can do those things to help himself (and others) in the past (and in the future). It's a bit of a crazy circle, huh?

But, I'm long past the confusion, it makes perfect sense now (yeah right, but I've given in - it's too confusing otherwise (and anyway) so you have to or quit watching, which just isn't an option). I love that crazy show. So much.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Unavoidable Hiatus

1. I have no working computer at home.
2. Posts I want to write are usually longer than the updates I can easily post on fb or twitter.
3. I so strongly desire to write most days, either here, or working on a story or poem or whatever, but it is hard to keep track of and keep it regular and/or fluent without a computer.

1. I will be "hiatusing" until this is resolved.
2. I fully expect that from time to time (as it will take a bit to sort out a new computer) I will find a place to post, most likely shorter ones.
3. I am a little sad not to be sharing things more frequently, but appreciate your patience, and hope you'll return to read when I'm back -- and bring others with you!:)

p.s. if anyone wants to donate to the cause (funny stories, encouraging notes, commiserating comments, monetary gifts) feel free... check out my 'Talk' page. ;)

Friday, July 29, 2011

In Memoriam

I know I will miss
the color of his sky blue eyes
the smell of his cologne

I remember
his skin, marked by the sun,
tanned, almost tough,
somehow, still soft.

I can feel his hugs
just tight enough
but perfectly gentle.
the ultimate embrace,
filled with love...

...I miss him.
always will.

what a month

i can't believe july is almost over.
so much has happened.

God is still good, and praise Him my faith is still strong.
prayers for many, and even myself.

more coming later...if i can get it together.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

i am

i’m a giver without a receiver
a lover without a match
a helper without an outlet

i'm a mom without any kids
a wife without a husband
a housekeeper without a house

i am lost


i'm a sinner who is saved
a child who is found
a daughter of the King

i'm a weak one who’s been given strength
a poor one who’s been given hope
a lonely one, but in His embrace

i am found

my first thoughts are true
but ultimately less important
my God is bigger

i am saved
i am bought
i am owned

i am uniquely created
i am particularly chosen
i am specifically wanted

i am loved

Monday, June 6, 2011


the stress.

it has arrived.

and i'm having trouble coping.

lucky for me, i got a few hugs yesterday, and that always helps.

but when i'm here, trying to think about too many too-difficult things at once, it rains down.

and i feel lost.

(sorry to dump today... maybe i'll be more upbeat later.)

Thursday, May 19, 2011


I've been living in boxes for over a month. I'll admit, I'm a little tired of it. Who wouldn't be? Maybe there's someone out there, but I just feel buried.

As I told my roommate on Tuesday night (or was it last night?), I feel like we need more closets - but that won't happen. I don't know where I got all this stuff, or where to put it. We have a storage closet, but my organizing brain is fearing that it isn't large enough. It is also fearing any attempt to put shelves up - the cost, the work involved (I don't trust myself with a dresser, a bookshelf, a dollhouse, sure, but put up level shelves? No way, Jack.) and so on. Some how it will all work out. I got rid of the not necessaries before I moved, and am confident that I kept the things I will want/need, and not the things I could do without ever seeing again.


Ok, that being said, despite feeling buried, we are making good progress. We have a functional living room, with a few boxes that need to be taken down to said storage area once all is finished being unpacked, and a kitchen that one of our good friends unpacked for us - such a blessing! I was able to paint in my room, and have it dried before the moving of furniture, and am excited to have a bit of color, and not be stuck in whiteness again/still/always. I just have to figure out a few logistical things in my closet, and unpack the 10 1/2 boxes of books (yes, for real).

I'm hoping tonight is the night that I finish. I have grand plans. Whenever that time comes, you can bet I'll be celebrating. I'd like to break the record - the last time I moved I was completely unpacked in 2 weeks. Saturday makes 1. Goal created.

And slightly feared. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


I promise to get better at this again... it just may take a little while to get settled back in...

I have been beyond busy since January, and with Easter just over, and summer looming, it doesn't let up. Throw into the equation my move to my new apartment in less than 2 weeks. I'm excited about the move (with an awesome roommate), but it adds to the BUSY. I am sick of packing, and loathe the thought of unpacking. I'm already looking forward to my vacation at the end of June, when I can really rest up despite having just had a 4-day weekend (it was full of packing and cleaning, not much of the much-needed-rest).

So, I think of writing, but never quite get there. And today, I'm so stressed I can't sit still, can't think straight, can't quite figure out how to keep going, or what to work on, or how.

I have this feeling I need to be bold, but don't know where to begin, or what that really looks like right now. I know I need to keep my faith strong, and that I still live in the promises God has given me. I need to be better at reading my Bible daily (more than, really) so those promises are etched deeper into my brain. I feel restless, I feel incomplete, I feel like I'm floating and can't find the ground beneath me.

I'm glad I'm not the One in control.
But I admit, I wish He'd give me a blueprint to follow. Or a list. I like lists.
Deep breath.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Woah. It's almost May.

I meant to blog more frequently. Honest, I did. When I realized I'd missed most of March, I thought I'd make up for it (or at least get back on track) in April. But it's officially the 26th, so I guess I missed that boat by a long shot. I suppose this will be a bit rambling, as I should really be sleeping by now. I apologize now so you can't complain later (not that you ever do).

I've been working - a lot - and finding (with my roommate) the next place I will live. The place we found is not too far away - just back to the next town (city?) over. I'll live in the same place I work in for the first time in 6 (7?) years. I suppose that's a little weird for me, but not really. The drive will be similar in time, but it is a little closer, so that'll be nice for the wallet. Let's hope.

I have just come through the Easter season at work, which is always busier than I remember, but also equally blessing to so many that it's worth it - even if I'm more exhausted than I care to admit. I also realized over this past weekend that I'm moving soon. As in, 3 weeks soon. And I have a lot of cleaning, packing, transferring of bills, canceling of services, etc. to do before that time comes. Thankfully, because of all that time working, I have some days off this week to help me recover... and pack.

Today I meant to do most of the cleaning around the house (before there are literally boxes everywhere), but my body had other ideas - as it does now. I slept late-ish, read, fell asleep again, got up, ate, started to clean, sat down to let the drano do it's thing, was too tired to get my butt off the couch, finally did get off the couch, continued the cleaning, realized I needed to eat, made dinner, finished cleaning the one area (for now), and have spent a chunk of my evening listening to talented people sing songs and talk about interesting things on YouTube, and attempting to start rallying people to help us move.

When it started to rain, I shut my eyes, thinking I'd be able to start drifting off, and head to bed. That was 3 hours ago.

And I'm so tired.
Here's hoping I won't fall asleep during my many meetings tomorrow...

Thursday, March 31, 2011

And you thought it was Spring...

silly rabbit.

I know this is a bit redundant - I've said it a few times today - but seriously? SNOW?? in APRIL??? Nice April Fool's joke for us, as that's the forecast for tomorrow. 

Yeah, I know, I live in Chicagoland and we have 2 seasons, winter & construction. In reality, we actually have a couple weeks of spring and fall - whether you believe it or not. And it tricked us, as it always does. We had a (literally, one) week of beautiful, sunny, mid-50s to mid-60s weather. Then it got colder again as expected, and the threat of snow is always there when the overnight temps lie around 20-25. But as it gets closer to April, we all always hold out hope that it won't snow again. Of course, it always does. How have we not learned this?
Hope springs eternal.

And the sun comes back on Saturday.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I need You

I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten

I need You
I need You here
I need You now
I need security somehow
I need You
Like you would not believe
You're the only thing I want
Cause You're everything I need

"I Need You" by Relient K

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


It's all I've got today.

Ditto to what? This.
Probably this too...
Plus, work is ... work.

to quote myself: "Trust on."

to quote David:
"...He is my fortress. I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2

to quote the One Who loves me:
"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness'... I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me...for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Saturday, March 5, 2011


friends                 time                 books

(seems like) sanity                 energy

niece                 family in other states

daily exercise                 daily devotions

some i can do something about.
others, horribly, i can't.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Did you?

Did you listen/buy/fall in love with it yet?

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you've missed a couple days with me... and you should check it out.

Sick beats, a great hook, good lyrics, a catchy tune, the rhymes - what more could you ask for??

Sounds good, huh?
You should click this.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

B.Reith Single TODAY!!!

Today's the day! B.Reith's new single, "Knockin' on My Door" is out! It's already noon, it's been out for 12 whole hours, so hopefully you've checked it out since my excitement from yesterday, but in case you haven't DO IT NOW!
I was so excited that this morning, I only did one thing before purchasing the single: this morning's Twitter post. :) So so happy!
It was followed immediately by the purchase.
You can do it too! Now! Do it now! You won't be sorry. - Plus, I just found this promo video for the single!! ;)
The sad thing is, once it had finished downloading, I had to bolt out the door to get to my meeting on time (stupid slow computer and it's stupid slow downloading...a story for another day), so I emailed my newly purchased B.Reith single to myself, and buzzed out the door.
This means, my first hearing of the (amazing) song was JUST before this post. I LOVE IT!! It's on 'Repeat (1)' - anyone in my office has no choice but to love it as much as I do, or suffer if they don't, but so far, they all like it - so fun! I believe I'm on time number 4 already - I keep stopping my typing to listen.
Thanks, B, for another amazing song.
Can't wait to hear what's next. :D

Monday, February 28, 2011

new music

i'm SO excited.
the "m" months are bringing me (and you, of course) new music, from much loved artists...

...and b's comes out TOMORROW!!

B.Reith see here.
Owl City see here.


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

"K" mug

Yes, I caved, and bought the "k" mug from Hobby least it was on sale! It's a small, cheap, simple thing, but it makes me a little happier today.

In other news, February's ALMOST OVER! What?? Wow, that went fast. Though in times it seemed to be dragging, it flew by. I remember in January, when all the changing started, I thought it would be even slower to go through time expecting and wondering what to expect. Truthfully, it has felt long, and stressful, and crazy sometimes, but minutes seem to keep marching on in their (seemingly) never-ending-parade through the universe. Things have been out of the ordinary this year, this month, and I think I'm beginning to believe my best friend may be right: we should ban February from the calendar. (Well, except the birthdays of those we love. 'Cuz we still want them around. Other than that, though, it's outta here!) It seems to bring nothing but crazy situations, random people (in her case, not mine), insane outcomes, etc. It's not been boring, I can assure you.

Crazy *ahem* times.

Now, as I ponder all that will/may/could come in the next month (or 3, or 8), I am feeling overwhelmed. So, I plan to go home with my "K" mug, drink some tea, watch some Gilmore Girls, work on a cross stitch project, and perhaps read. Wow. Now I'm overwhelmed with my plans for relaxing! "I think I need a break. A little break? Okay. Whew!"

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Time to Read...

I love to read.

I think that's why I like to write... but reading is better 'cuz I can just dive in; I don't have to create the environment to dive into... ;)

That being said, I'm finding it harder and harder to find things to read - new things, and good, not junk.

Currently, I'm reading:
1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (again), by J. K. Rowling
2. The Lord of the Rings, Return of the King (again), by J. R. R Tolkein
3. The Noticer, by Andy Andrews
4. The Principle of the Path, by Andy Stanley

I have waiting on my shelf:
1. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, by Susanna Clarke
2. Simple Church, by Thom S. Rainer & Eric Geiger
3. Stay Mad for Life, by Jim Cramer (I've actually started this one, but have some re-reading to do...)
4. Sixpence House, by Paul Collins

However, I NEED MORE IDEAS!! Some of these are non-fiction (which is good, but can't always hold my attention very long in a day) and I need more - either fiction or non: encouraging or biographical or just plain fun. I don't do mysteries very well (which won't surprise you if you know me), but some are good, so they're not totally off the table.

Comment, leave suggestions, help me out! :)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


It came. It conquered.

I loved it.

Truth: I love snow.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Serious thoughts.

Read this.

Ponder it.
It means a lot, even if you haven't read what it's talking about - I haven't, but I still get it, it's message is still clear.

That's the important part. The message. Don't let it just wash past you. Think about it. Evaluate yourself, how you act, how you judge yourself, how you spend your time.

Serious thoughts, folks. Serious business.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I just have to...


haven't seen the movie yet - but have heard nothing (really, nothing) but good things. from adults. yessss.

makes me laugh, out loud, every time.
i love her.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Thursday, January 20, 2011

It feels like friday

it's thursday, but for some reason it's felt like friday all day - perhaps because of the tumbleweeds rolling through the building...

tomorrow (the real friday) will feel even weirder, i guess... we'll see. hopefully the (extra) silence will make for a(n extra) productive day.

i've been busy today, though i feel unproductive. i'm getting more used to the changes i'm experiencing, and was helped immensely by my small group's discussion last night - which was phenomenal despite being extra small. God truly is good, and He is showing me little by little that He's the One carrying me as i navigate new waters in many areas of my life. i feel the strength behind me, His arms cradling me. while this isn't the best time in my life, it's becoming more and more apparent that it certainly isn't the worst either (which i already knew, but it's nice to have that fact enunciated).

plus as a bonus, my best friend had the best idea today, and is going to research making it a reality - and it will help us both gain a little perspective and a bit of much needed rest - and soon.

i can't wait.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


First let me say that this post is NOT about chick-flicks. And it will be short. I hope. But we must begin with the setting. So.

Tonight I decided to watch Valentine's Day. I know, don't say it - it's a sappy chick-flick with no plot and underdeveloped (or non-developed) characters and it's probably not worth much of anyone's time. But I'd seen it once and couldn't remember if it was worth watching again or not, and as I had the opportunity to give it another go, I decided to take the chance.

I (almost) always watch the previews before a movie on DVD. I can't help it - it feels a little strange to skip them. As the previews began on this one, it was the normal chick-flick stupid stuff - pretty standard on these "best movie for a date night" type things... (although I don't agree with that line at all...)

Then, out of nowhere, I'm watching a (long - original?) trailer for Doctor Zhivago. No kidding. And when I realized what was happening, I thought, surely, this is some sort of TCM or remember-the-old-classics type of thing. But that bit never came. It literally was a preview to go watch Doctor Zhivago. I was curious to see what the next would be. Another like Sex & the City 2? Or another classic? Tada! Gone with the Wind, in all it's original, how-it-was-meant-to-be-seen glory is now on Blu-ray! How can you resist Clark Gable and all that great music?

And what, possibly, could follow these classics on the preview role on this romance movie? What else would fit but "The Bachelor: The Videogame" with all it's lewd flirtations, vacations and your favorite bachelors & bachelorettes from the shows? My only reaction: WHAA??? This was followed by some other beach part Wii game which I still don't understand. Finally, to top it off, AFI had a "preview" of movie clips - mostly of people watching movies (in movies) or laughing/crying together at something off screen - to ask you, the audience member, to register as a member of the AFI - because you're so important to them.

Now you're set to watch the new, light, cheesy movie actually on the DVD. Congratulations. And yikes. If that wasn't random, I sure don't know what could ever qualify to be.

This is one I'll be skipping previews on if I ever watch it again. Which, given my track record of forgetting how much I didn't like or didn't care about certain "romantic" "comedies" is a possibility. ;)

Saturday, January 15, 2011

good, bad, ugly theme song

press play, start at 2:17:

did you see the tumbleweeds? ;)

(*i found this just as i was about to write my latest post, - or see below - and it's from (originally) 8/31/10 at 8:51pm - i had just recently watched this movie, and it's music brought so many more memories of homemade videos by my brother and his friends along with other silly things from younger years. as it brought a smile to my face and made me laugh, i thought it'd be a good addition to this day of celebrating the things that (silly as they may be) make me smile. thank God for those little things that keep us going!)

God is good

yesterday was another hard day, which i knew it would be, but ended up being so for more reasons.

i hate that.

but i went out with 2 wonderful friends last night for some good food and an amazing (true) love story while curled up on a couch with a gigantic, delicious, red velvet cupcake and homemade cream cheese frosting (the leftovers of which i will eat today).

still, this morning, i was thinking about the discouraging stuff from yesterday (it's hard to escape the blues).

but i had my life group meeting with my lovely ladies and we talked of forgiveness, where our focus is, and how we should truly be thinking about life and its circumstances.

after they left, i planned an evening with a friend (for tonight). i already have seen things that remind me of yesterday's difficulties, and i know i will have to deal with those again next week.

but God is good. He is in control. and He has given me a weekend filled with Himself and friends and laughter to help me keep going.

God is truly good.

Monday, January 10, 2011

when it rains it pours

more things changing, and while i'm trying to stay positive and trust God, it's getting harder as each day goes by. i know His will is best, and i'm trying to just trust, take one day at a time, and see where He leads.

things to think about are less and less clear and even less fun to have to think about.
plus, i'm trying to stay positive and thinking about these things makes that even harder.

i'm sad and frustrated and irritated and tired (haven't slept well in a week & a half now).

and, i have tiny chicken disease this week on top of it all (otherwise known as the common cold).

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

it's threatening to overwhelm me

i'm on the edge, the brink, the cliff.

verses found, encouragement, challenging:
Phil 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Acts 18:9: One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: “Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent.

Isa 40:31: but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Heb 4:12: For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Monday, January 3, 2011

It's the 'New Year' Post

You knew it was coming.

Several posts and comments I've heard about New Year's resolutions have circled around the fact that they never seem to be followed - at least not long enough to have a real effect in your life. (If I got the wrong word, please forgive me, just this once. If I got it right, feel free to let me know!) Most of these have focused on the proof of this by the example of a supremely crowded public gym or workout facility in January, which inevitably falls off to those "regulars" (who have been there since the year(s) before) by mid-February.

So, what's the point? We all make promises about how we'll change, how we'll improve; and it's usually very specific. My cousin has a great thought, though - it's still an aim at a lifestyle update, but it's a bit broader in its outlook. You plan to improve, but you don't put a nail in a specific outcome. Instead of "I will lose 10 pounds this year," you plan to eat healthier, park further from the building, walk more. Instead of "I will read my Bible for an hour every morning before I make breakfast, and pray for an hour before I go to bed at night," you plan to work on your relationship with God, simply getting to know Him better so you can follow Him more closely. The outcome is likely to exceed what you would have placed on yourself in some way (over the course of the entire year). I find, when I choose those kinds of specific goals, I focus too much on them, and often cause myself to fail - even if it's not that hard of a goal to reach. And sometimes, my goals are just plain unrealistic for me at this point.

Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't fix specific goals, or monitor the changes, or take on challenges. But I think often times (especially around January 1st) we get focused on that mountain peak we want to aim for, and we get over-focused. Then, when we experience the smallest set-back or slip-up, we throw out the whole thing, 'cuz we know we "just can't do it." My problem (and I suspect there are others like me) is that I don't just throw in the towel. I throw it in, and then I go to work viciously undoing all the good I may have done so far.

So, this year, I encourage us to aim for something huge. Make tracks. See the change. Make a map, a record for yourself so you can see how far you've come. But don't get overzealous thinking you know what's coming or where you'll get to in the end. Don't spend too much time looking back. Always look forward, toward the goal. Glance back only to help you see how to avoid a stumble in the future. Keep moving forward.