Thursday, April 22, 2010


I am feeling ... untitled tonight.

I watched some MLS (yay). I watched some of "The Office" (yay). I even (why-oh-why) watched a few minutes of a couple other channel 9 (the CW...) shows including "Supernatural" (again: why-oh-why). Then I checked my online , and now I am about to watch some of a (slightly) depressing, but great movie (which is quickly climbing the ladder to the top of the favorites list) The Fall. This will most likely be followed by a few minutes of reading, even if I'm falling asleep (and, still being sick, I should have been in bed going to sleep over an hour ago).

I am feeling very distracted.
(It has taken me about 25 minutest to write this - and it shouldn't have...)

->I am thinking about decisions I need to make.
->I am thinking about a meeting I wanted to have with someone at church - and how to saw what I feel needs saying without freaking that person out, (or worse) making myself look even more strange than he already (probably) thinks I am.
->I am thinking about a conversation I need to have with someone I work with - and I don't want to, 'cuz I don't even know where to start.
->I am thinking about missions, and what that means for/to me.
->I am wishing I had someone to talk to - who won't (even accidentally) make me feel small or stupid or insignificant.

But, I am feeling insignificant, disconnected, unwanted, as though there is no way for me to live up to the expectations that are there.

I know (I KNOW) that the only Person I have to work for (in ANY situation) is God. I also know I can never reach the standards He has - but I also know that He can. And because of His saving love and His work in me, He can bring me to that standard. So, as long as I focus on and work for HIM, I will not fail. Even if here on earth it looks like failure, or to others, if I am truly following Him, I have not failed.

I am important to Him (only He knows why), I am wanted, I am connected, I am significant; I AM LOVED - by the most amazing Being in the Universe.

I just wish it would translate through a few people here too.

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