Well. Clearly I don't have enough time on my hands. I can hardly believe it's been almost 6 months since I wrote something here. Oops. Ah, well. Here we are again.
When I look back at my last post, its a little weird to realize that I am wrestling with much of the same. Since then I have moved to a new (and thankfully cheaper) apartment and I love it. The space is laid out in a way I like much better, and I have far more storage. Plus, it's not too much further from work (only about 10 minutes more), so that's nice too.
Things at my current job continue much as they have, though the promise of change (wahoo) has been presented (multiple times) and yet still with very little clarity on what it will actually look like or what effects it will have on specific departments and/or people.
I promise this has to do with love. Stay with me.
Because of those things mulling around and making me wonder if I'm doing what I ought to be doing, the following conversation shocked me a bit. Partly because I've been wondering lately (read: in the last year or so) if it is what I should be doing somehow, and partly because I cannot shake the desire I have to care for little people.
I had a conversation with my youngest brother about a month ago, in which we ended up somehow on the "what would you do if you had a million dollars" question. My go-to response is always: pay off my debts, pay off debts of my family (parents, brothers, etc.), help make my family stable, then see what I can do next (likely help someone somehow). Maybe buy a house. His response to me was something along the lines of "Oh. Yeah, I get that. But I think if you had a million dollars you'd start an orphanage."
It floored me. I have no idea how much I've said to him that I'd want to work with/care for orphans. (To be fair, I have an El Ed degree and have always loved kids but something as specific as an orphanage, well, I'm not sure how much we've talked about that... if ever.) But he knew it to the point that it was what he expected me to do first with an overabundance. I said, "Well, yeah, that makes sense. I sort of have always wanted to do something like that. I love kids, and those kids need it most." He told me that that's exactly what he was thinking: my love of kids and my experience through a teaching degree, coupled with my administrative skill set and experience, running an orphanage seemed like the perfect thing.
Now, don't get me wrong. There is MUCH I don't know about running any type of business or anything in general much less an orphanage where you have to keep people alive and well and not neglected or starving (though plenty of places do just the opposite and are somehow still in business). But it struck a chord.
Today I saw an article posted by a friend's mom that talked about how many kids are literally dying - yes, you read that right: DYING - in orphanages today. Some because of disabilities so that the kids aren't seen as valuable enough to spend time caring for, some because of being grossly understaffed, some just because the convenience of a liquid diet and a cage are easier and keep your numbers of "cared for" up - sometimes because there seems to be no better way, and sometimes because they don't care. Why they work there/run the place boggles my mind. If you don't love children/orphans, WHY are you working in an orphanage??
The article was written by someone who had helped/visited/worked somewhere overseas and seen these terrible situations and couldn't get the kids who are dying out of her mind. She and her husband adopted a little boy from one of these places, and in just 6 months, of really loving and caring for him, he is SO MUCH BETTER. He has a disability (or maybe disabilities) that he will always live with that were present from birth, but he is not skin-and-bones - he is smiling; he is not banging his head against the bars of his crib (at 4 years old) - he is loved. She asks people to think seriously about adoption and what they can do - if not adopt themselves, donate to a family who is trying to bring their child home.
I don't know what to do with this, except to get it out, and to keep praying. I can donate, of course, and there are many places and ways to do so. Child sponsorship is another avenue.
So. If you have at least a million dollars to give away, and a heart for hurting kids, and want to donate to my cause... you know how to get a hold of me, right?
Seriously, though, be praying - not for me (or, not just for me), but for those kids. They need every prayer they can get. Love them through prayer if you can't do anything else. It matters, and it's powerful. Then, do what else you can.
Showing posts with label missions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label missions. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Maybe
Maybe is a powerful word.
There are so many possibilities in "maybe."
Possibilities for success, for failure, for something new, for no change at all. Possibilities for new relationships to be made, new skills to be learned, new experiences, new places to see. There are (of course) also many unknowns.
Maybe is not a decision. Maybe is the in-between your "yes" or "no." Maybe is the gray area. Maybe is your thought process; or your procrastination.
There may be a change coming in my life. Oh, who am I kidding? Change is happening all around. There are changes at work, changes at home, changes in relationships, changes in plans; this is nothing new.
But some changes are larger and newer and more unknown than others. That is the kind that "may be" coming my way. It is simultaneously exciting and terrifying, but I figure that's how I know I'm within God's will. If it was too easy, or too hard, I'd be outside those bounds - and that's never a good place to be.
I can't give any details, of course, because the "maybe" is still too large, too unknown, too... "may be." Just knowing it's a possibility though, (and likely one that will encompass all the variety of ways a "maybe" can come to fruition) has me on the edge of my seat, waiting - impatiently - to see what God will do next.
There are so many possibilities in "maybe."
Possibilities for success, for failure, for something new, for no change at all. Possibilities for new relationships to be made, new skills to be learned, new experiences, new places to see. There are (of course) also many unknowns.
Maybe is not a decision. Maybe is the in-between your "yes" or "no." Maybe is the gray area. Maybe is your thought process; or your procrastination.
There may be a change coming in my life. Oh, who am I kidding? Change is happening all around. There are changes at work, changes at home, changes in relationships, changes in plans; this is nothing new.
But some changes are larger and newer and more unknown than others. That is the kind that "may be" coming my way. It is simultaneously exciting and terrifying, but I figure that's how I know I'm within God's will. If it was too easy, or too hard, I'd be outside those bounds - and that's never a good place to be.
I can't give any details, of course, because the "maybe" is still too large, too unknown, too... "may be." Just knowing it's a possibility though, (and likely one that will encompass all the variety of ways a "maybe" can come to fruition) has me on the edge of my seat, waiting - impatiently - to see what God will do next.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Missing Pieces
I've been missing... sorry about that. Let me 'splain. No. There is too much. Let me sum up:
VACATION AT THE LAKE
My saving grace this summer. It was the thing I looked forward to most after Jamaica. It was my time for rest, for recovery, for revitalization. I went with my mom and spent 9 & 1/2 days walking, reading, sitting in the sun, eating junk (spoiled Americans), taking pictures of God's glorious creation, talking with my grandparents, and relaxing (what a concept). It was wonderful.
Today, in the midst of the last week of September (what??? where did the time go??) I realized I hadn't written here since JULY. (#epicfail) The summary now complete, I vow to be more regular again. Last year was a sad showing. This year has been positively pitiful. Let's make it look a little better before it leaves us, shall we?
Until next time...what have you been up to since July?
JAMAICA
Amazing. God made some very clear comments to my heart. Not as clear as I'd like, but clear none-the-less. I had an amazing time despite sweating every moment of every day - including while I slept, ate, worked, and even showered. We're talking dripping down my back as I ate my tiny breakfast at 8 in the morning. Met amazing people who inspire me to follow God's leading and watch what happens, worked with kids who were so excited to hang on us and be loved by us that everything we did/said/showed them was an instant hit, painted, was exhausted, and bonded with some of the coolest students on the planet. Don't know when my next adventure will be, but even now thinking back on my experience there with God, I can't wait to see how He uses me next.
SUMMER DAY CAMP
The reason I never blogged about Jamaica. I came home, I rested for A day. I did enough laundry to get through the week. I worked countless hours making sure we were prepared for Day Camp. This was my life for the next 3 weeks. Oh, and prepping for the fall ministry year. Yeah, cuz there isn't too much to do for that, is there? No. Of course not, silly. VACATION AT THE LAKE
My saving grace this summer. It was the thing I looked forward to most after Jamaica. It was my time for rest, for recovery, for revitalization. I went with my mom and spent 9 & 1/2 days walking, reading, sitting in the sun, eating junk (spoiled Americans), taking pictures of God's glorious creation, talking with my grandparents, and relaxing (what a concept). It was wonderful.
A DAY WITH THE KIDDOS
I spent my first day back from Minnesota with my brother's family - my beautiful niece, my two adorable nephews, the best sister-in-law a girl could ever hope for, and (one of) my sweet brother(s). Pictures, tickling, laughing, hugging, Elmo-and-silly-song watching joyfulness.
FALL PREP AT WORK and beyond...
Yup. It came fast, it came crazy, it came expected and yet unexpectedly busy for some reason. I have now begun as a leader with our youth group, my small group (which I am also leader of) has switched gears, and I have helped my friend get some of our church's singles events going. It's been amazing, but I have not had a free weekend since ... August 18th. I have been out of town with friends, family, other youth leaders. Today, in the midst of the last week of September (what??? where did the time go??) I realized I hadn't written here since JULY. (#epicfail) The summary now complete, I vow to be more regular again. Last year was a sad showing. This year has been positively pitiful. Let's make it look a little better before it leaves us, shall we?
Until next time...what have you been up to since July?
Thursday, July 5, 2012
What God will do...
There's this strange sensation I get when, in life, I'm coming up to something out-of-the-ordinary. Its almost like I'm just an observer of the moments passing by. My body goes through the motions, I think through and do what must be done, but it often feels almost surreal.
For example, when going on vacation, my mind starts lists. Lists of work to be done before I'm gone for a week, lists of things to buy, lists of things to pack. Lists of things to wash, snacks to pick up, projects to complete. These lists don't stop growing as i do them either. Its usually about the day or two before leaving that I finally finish making lists; sometimes I have completed them by that time too, if I'm lucky.
But the whole count down is in this strange slow-fast motion type pace. It feels simultaneously as if it will never come, and as though there cannot possibly be enough time to get done all the things that need doing.
Then, suddenly, its the night before. Everything is packed, bought, prepared, thought through. I go through the motions: suitcase, backpack, water bottle, keys by the door. Oh, and shoes. And a sweatshirt, just in case. I get ready for bed, double-checking that everything at home is cleaned up, in its place. It takes what seems like forever, but I finally fall asleep.
In the morning, I do what needs doing. I get ready, I eat breakfast, drink some coffee. Pack the car. If I'm working before heading out, the day is always surreal as well. Tying up loose ends: those known and unknown. And then it happens. I'm off. I'm free.
I try to be mentally present wherever I am. I try to thoroughly enjoy my time - whether alone, or with friends or family. I create fond memories, escape into books, take walks, listen to music, take pictures, listen to music, admire God's amazing creation. If its not just vacation, i pour myself into the tasks at hand joyfully and always am blessed with the company, the work, and those served.
All too soon, I am heading home. Once there I sleep and do laundry and try to be ready for "normal" when it comes again the next day. Inevitably, about midway through the normal routine that week back, I realize that I feel almost like the adventure happened to someone else - like i just read about it, a character in a book, instead of my own experiences. I have memories, pictures, journal entries that prove otherwise, but it feels like a story.
I don't understand that.
This morning, I will be at my church at 4:15 am to leave with a youth missions trip (I'm a leader...) for Jamaica. We'll be there for 8 days. We have some ideas about what we may do there but have also been advised to expect "nothing but for God to work through us," and "organized chaos."
The only big thing I'm really nervous about is the people I'm going with that I don't know. There are 30 of us - and 4 leaders. I know the other 3 leaders. Now, of course, I've met most of the students. A few are very talkative and sweet, and all are very welcoming. I know in my head that it'll be great, and we'll all get to know each other. But I guess I find it a little odd that this is my biggest concern. Of course, I've been praying for all aspects of the trip: safety, travel, God to move, unity, etc., but none of those things are weighing on me. I know God is and will be faithful to us in these regards. And of course, I know He'll carry my little introverted and shy self through and bring me out with new and deepened friendships, but there you go. My own personal prayer request for the next 9 days.
In just a few hours, I'll be boarding the first plane of the day. I sort of hate very much taking off and landing - though I've never had a really bad experience. By the end of the day, I'll be in a country I've never been in before, starting a new experience in my service to God.
I am nervous about a few things, but mostly (and most importantly), I am excited. I know God has brought me to this and made it all possible for me to go. All praise and glory to Him.
I can't wait to see what He does.
For example, when going on vacation, my mind starts lists. Lists of work to be done before I'm gone for a week, lists of things to buy, lists of things to pack. Lists of things to wash, snacks to pick up, projects to complete. These lists don't stop growing as i do them either. Its usually about the day or two before leaving that I finally finish making lists; sometimes I have completed them by that time too, if I'm lucky.
But the whole count down is in this strange slow-fast motion type pace. It feels simultaneously as if it will never come, and as though there cannot possibly be enough time to get done all the things that need doing.
Then, suddenly, its the night before. Everything is packed, bought, prepared, thought through. I go through the motions: suitcase, backpack, water bottle, keys by the door. Oh, and shoes. And a sweatshirt, just in case. I get ready for bed, double-checking that everything at home is cleaned up, in its place. It takes what seems like forever, but I finally fall asleep.
In the morning, I do what needs doing. I get ready, I eat breakfast, drink some coffee. Pack the car. If I'm working before heading out, the day is always surreal as well. Tying up loose ends: those known and unknown. And then it happens. I'm off. I'm free.
I try to be mentally present wherever I am. I try to thoroughly enjoy my time - whether alone, or with friends or family. I create fond memories, escape into books, take walks, listen to music, take pictures, listen to music, admire God's amazing creation. If its not just vacation, i pour myself into the tasks at hand joyfully and always am blessed with the company, the work, and those served.
All too soon, I am heading home. Once there I sleep and do laundry and try to be ready for "normal" when it comes again the next day. Inevitably, about midway through the normal routine that week back, I realize that I feel almost like the adventure happened to someone else - like i just read about it, a character in a book, instead of my own experiences. I have memories, pictures, journal entries that prove otherwise, but it feels like a story.
I don't understand that.
This morning, I will be at my church at 4:15 am to leave with a youth missions trip (I'm a leader...) for Jamaica. We'll be there for 8 days. We have some ideas about what we may do there but have also been advised to expect "nothing but for God to work through us," and "organized chaos."
The only big thing I'm really nervous about is the people I'm going with that I don't know. There are 30 of us - and 4 leaders. I know the other 3 leaders. Now, of course, I've met most of the students. A few are very talkative and sweet, and all are very welcoming. I know in my head that it'll be great, and we'll all get to know each other. But I guess I find it a little odd that this is my biggest concern. Of course, I've been praying for all aspects of the trip: safety, travel, God to move, unity, etc., but none of those things are weighing on me. I know God is and will be faithful to us in these regards. And of course, I know He'll carry my little introverted and shy self through and bring me out with new and deepened friendships, but there you go. My own personal prayer request for the next 9 days.
In just a few hours, I'll be boarding the first plane of the day. I sort of hate very much taking off and landing - though I've never had a really bad experience. By the end of the day, I'll be in a country I've never been in before, starting a new experience in my service to God.
I am nervous about a few things, but mostly (and most importantly), I am excited. I know God has brought me to this and made it all possible for me to go. All praise and glory to Him.
I can't wait to see what He does.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Getting it out
Still, I cannot get them off my mind. Prayer. That's all I can do. That's the only way I can get any of these feelings out.
It makes me wonder: I have thought about missions. Before my current job I was looking into missions organizations, trying to discern if that was the way God was leading me. Missions has been something that has been on my heart in many ways for quite a long time - since high school, actually. I have an aunt who was a missionary in Germany for a long time. I think that may have started it. I have never been on a missions trip for various reasons: lack of money, fear, bad timing, a plethora of others. And yet, I have often wondered (sometimes more than others) if God wants me to be a missionary somewhere other than here, where I am 'comfortable'. But the door has never opened. At least not yet.
And I find myself wondering, as I read the prayer requests and pray for my friends' family, would I be able to hold on to God and remain faithful if it was me? Would I be willing to admit that maybe God gave me a precious little girl for only a week of her (and my) life? Would I be able to love her the way they did? Would I be able to continue His work while dealing with such a devastating blow? How would I react? What would I do? Would I be able to trust Him wholly still? Would I be able to look forward to what He would do?
When I think these things, it scares me. I don’t want to doubt Him. But even more, I don’t want fear to be the reason I don’t obey. There is a very minimal possibility that I may have a chance to go on a missions trip myself before very long. The very idea terrifies me. But it excites me as well. I want to be abandoned to God. Wholly and completely. I want to be sold out to Him. And that is a terrifying, exciting, crazy thing.
And as I think about this, I am in such turmoil because I don’t know what He wants for me. I don’t know if that is the path I am on. I only know that I am striving to follow Him. I only know that He is leading me, and wherever He leads, I will follow. I will trust Him.
I know it is not easy. My own feelings right now, and the troubles around me are easy proof of that. But He never said it would be easy. He has set me apart (Psalm 4:3). He hears when I call. He directs my path (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I wonder.
I wonder where He is leading me.
And I will try not to be anxious in anything.
And I try to just trust the Lord my God.
It makes me wonder: I have thought about missions. Before my current job I was looking into missions organizations, trying to discern if that was the way God was leading me. Missions has been something that has been on my heart in many ways for quite a long time - since high school, actually. I have an aunt who was a missionary in Germany for a long time. I think that may have started it. I have never been on a missions trip for various reasons: lack of money, fear, bad timing, a plethora of others. And yet, I have often wondered (sometimes more than others) if God wants me to be a missionary somewhere other than here, where I am 'comfortable'. But the door has never opened. At least not yet.
And I find myself wondering, as I read the prayer requests and pray for my friends' family, would I be able to hold on to God and remain faithful if it was me? Would I be willing to admit that maybe God gave me a precious little girl for only a week of her (and my) life? Would I be able to love her the way they did? Would I be able to continue His work while dealing with such a devastating blow? How would I react? What would I do? Would I be able to trust Him wholly still? Would I be able to look forward to what He would do?
When I think these things, it scares me. I don’t want to doubt Him. But even more, I don’t want fear to be the reason I don’t obey. There is a very minimal possibility that I may have a chance to go on a missions trip myself before very long. The very idea terrifies me. But it excites me as well. I want to be abandoned to God. Wholly and completely. I want to be sold out to Him. And that is a terrifying, exciting, crazy thing.
And as I think about this, I am in such turmoil because I don’t know what He wants for me. I don’t know if that is the path I am on. I only know that I am striving to follow Him. I only know that He is leading me, and wherever He leads, I will follow. I will trust Him.
I know it is not easy. My own feelings right now, and the troubles around me are easy proof of that. But He never said it would be easy. He has set me apart (Psalm 4:3). He hears when I call. He directs my path (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I wonder.
I wonder where He is leading me.
And I will try not to be anxious in anything.
And I try to just trust the Lord my God.
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