Well. Clearly I don't have enough time on my hands. I can hardly believe it's been almost 6 months since I wrote something here. Oops. Ah, well. Here we are again.
When I look back at my last post, its a little weird to realize that I am wrestling with much of the same. Since then I have moved to a new (and thankfully cheaper) apartment and I love it. The space is laid out in a way I like much better, and I have far more storage. Plus, it's not too much further from work (only about 10 minutes more), so that's nice too.
Things at my current job continue much as they have, though the promise of change (wahoo) has been presented (multiple times) and yet still with very little clarity on what it will actually look like or what effects it will have on specific departments and/or people.
I promise this has to do with love. Stay with me.
Because of those things mulling around and making me wonder if I'm doing what I ought to be doing, the following conversation shocked me a bit. Partly because I've been wondering lately (read: in the last year or so) if it is what I should be doing somehow, and partly because I cannot shake the desire I have to care for little people.
I had a conversation with my youngest brother about a month ago, in which we ended up somehow on the "what would you do if you had a million dollars" question. My go-to response is always: pay off my debts, pay off debts of my family (parents, brothers, etc.), help make my family stable, then see what I can do next (likely help someone somehow). Maybe buy a house. His response to me was something along the lines of "Oh. Yeah, I get that. But I think if you had a million dollars you'd start an orphanage."
It floored me. I have no idea how much I've said to him that I'd want to work with/care for orphans. (To be fair, I have an El Ed degree and have always loved kids but something as specific as an orphanage, well, I'm not sure how much we've talked about that... if ever.) But he knew it to the point that it was what he expected me to do first with an overabundance. I said, "Well, yeah, that makes sense. I sort of have always wanted to do something like that. I love kids, and those kids need it most." He told me that that's exactly what he was thinking: my love of kids and my experience through a teaching degree, coupled with my administrative skill set and experience, running an orphanage seemed like the perfect thing.
Now, don't get me wrong. There is MUCH I don't know about running any type of business or anything in general much less an orphanage where you have to keep people alive and well and not neglected or starving (though plenty of places do just the opposite and are somehow still in business). But it struck a chord.
Today I saw an article posted by a friend's mom that talked about how many kids are literally dying - yes, you read that right: DYING - in orphanages today. Some because of disabilities so that the kids aren't seen as valuable enough to spend time caring for, some because of being grossly understaffed, some just because the convenience of a liquid diet and a cage are easier and keep your numbers of "cared for" up - sometimes because there seems to be no better way, and sometimes because they don't care. Why they work there/run the place boggles my mind. If you don't love children/orphans, WHY are you working in an orphanage??
The article was written by someone who had helped/visited/worked somewhere overseas and seen these terrible situations and couldn't get the kids who are dying out of her mind. She and her husband adopted a little boy from one of these places, and in just 6 months, of really loving and caring for him, he is SO MUCH BETTER. He has a disability (or maybe disabilities) that he will always live with that were present from birth, but he is not skin-and-bones - he is smiling; he is not banging his head against the bars of his crib (at 4 years old) - he is loved. She asks people to think seriously about adoption and what they can do - if not adopt themselves, donate to a family who is trying to bring their child home.
I don't know what to do with this, except to get it out, and to keep praying. I can donate, of course, and there are many places and ways to do so. Child sponsorship is another avenue.
So. If you have at least a million dollars to give away, and a heart for hurting kids, and want to donate to my cause... you know how to get a hold of me, right?
Seriously, though, be praying - not for me (or, not just for me), but for those kids. They need every prayer they can get. Love them through prayer if you can't do anything else. It matters, and it's powerful. Then, do what else you can.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Part of a Promise
I have finally had (read: taken) the time to process some of the Christmas/spiritual life thoughts I've been having lately. Because of that, what began as a short post on Facebook became this blog post. And as I wrote, it kept lengthening. But it's so good to think through these things - for me it helps them sink in better...and I need that!
I've been reading a daily devotional I received (thanks, Mom) that is designed to prepare you for the arrival of the Son of God through the month of December (Advent) through January 6 (Ephiphany). The reading from yesterday has stuck with me, especially as part of this past weekend's sermon echoed these thoughts as well.
WE are part of the story! WE are still receiving the blessing that resulted from the faith of those in the story we read. WE should be amazed and awed at the wonder God has shared with us and sing praises giving thanks to Him. For unto US a child was given, and He is our Savior and the Prince of Peace (paraphrased Isa. 9:6). Because of His birth, and our part in the prophecies foretold (which, incidentally is also because of His birth and our salvation through His death), WE (should) celebrate the glorious arrival of Jesus and His infinite wisdom, power, and love.
How can we just sit still? I mean, we don't really, but we do where it matters. I do! I am so tired from all the running around, the planning, the trying to be sure I haven't somehow left someone out or hurt them (how ridiculously far I over think this, few of you have any idea).
How do we not shout the news like the shepherds, or make the journey like the wise men? (This still makes me think of little Gladys Herdman: "Hey! Hey! Unto you a child is born!" When you haven't heard it before, it really means something, and it's worth shouting! People gotta know!)
How do we not trust like Joseph or wonder like Mary? I get so caught up in what I need to get done, or planning who to see and when (which is good, I grant you, but not enough), that I completely forget to TRUST God with the things that are stressing me out (today. this happened MULTIPLE TIMES - TODAY.) and I forget to wonder at the amazing story that He has given us, and made me part of when He made me His child!
I have always loved Christmas - just ask my mom. I love the seasons, the change, the beauty of each one, but winter is my favorite, and I know a lot of that is because of Christmas. The joy in the air, the family (both biological and chosen), time with friends, activities, and demonstrations of love through food, fun, gifts, laughter, and shared craziness - it is a wonderful thing. But often, I let the stress society (and myself) puts on it seep into my enjoyment. I let the stress of preparing to be away from work for a few days overshadow the joy and celebration of the season.
Then, today's reading spoke of mercy. The author describes mercy as "that which fulfills our heart's desire, that which gives purpose to our lives, that which also allows us not only to be loved, but also to love completely." While I'm not sure I agree with this definition 100%, I do love the perspective it gives and the direction it looks. Mercy from God is something that "always astonishes us." Or it should. Have you become accustomed to the mercy God grants? I pray it is not so! I pray you are always awestruck by the grace of God in granting His mercy to us. I hope that we are all astonished by the things God puts into our lives as He shows us His plan.
Lastly, the sermons at my church this month (first 3 weeks of December, anyway) have been about the 3 great blessings that are ours because of Christmas: Joy, Peace, and Hope (you can listen to the sermons here). I cannot tell you how much a blessing these have been to me these past couple weekends, and how much I am looking forward to this coming one! What gifts. Joy inexplicable! Peace that calms the soul. Hope that looks up and out and forward. Glorious Savior indeed!
Now, go enjoy your Christmas, and don't let the stress in - let HIM in!
I've been reading a daily devotional I received (thanks, Mom) that is designed to prepare you for the arrival of the Son of God through the month of December (Advent) through January 6 (Ephiphany). The reading from yesterday has stuck with me, especially as part of this past weekend's sermon echoed these thoughts as well.
WE are part of the story! WE are still receiving the blessing that resulted from the faith of those in the story we read. WE should be amazed and awed at the wonder God has shared with us and sing praises giving thanks to Him. For unto US a child was given, and He is our Savior and the Prince of Peace (paraphrased Isa. 9:6). Because of His birth, and our part in the prophecies foretold (which, incidentally is also because of His birth and our salvation through His death), WE (should) celebrate the glorious arrival of Jesus and His infinite wisdom, power, and love.
How can we just sit still? I mean, we don't really, but we do where it matters. I do! I am so tired from all the running around, the planning, the trying to be sure I haven't somehow left someone out or hurt them (how ridiculously far I over think this, few of you have any idea).
How do we not shout the news like the shepherds, or make the journey like the wise men? (This still makes me think of little Gladys Herdman: "Hey! Hey! Unto you a child is born!" When you haven't heard it before, it really means something, and it's worth shouting! People gotta know!)
How do we not trust like Joseph or wonder like Mary? I get so caught up in what I need to get done, or planning who to see and when (which is good, I grant you, but not enough), that I completely forget to TRUST God with the things that are stressing me out (today. this happened MULTIPLE TIMES - TODAY.) and I forget to wonder at the amazing story that He has given us, and made me part of when He made me His child!
I have always loved Christmas - just ask my mom. I love the seasons, the change, the beauty of each one, but winter is my favorite, and I know a lot of that is because of Christmas. The joy in the air, the family (both biological and chosen), time with friends, activities, and demonstrations of love through food, fun, gifts, laughter, and shared craziness - it is a wonderful thing. But often, I let the stress society (and myself) puts on it seep into my enjoyment. I let the stress of preparing to be away from work for a few days overshadow the joy and celebration of the season.
Then, today's reading spoke of mercy. The author describes mercy as "that which fulfills our heart's desire, that which gives purpose to our lives, that which also allows us not only to be loved, but also to love completely." While I'm not sure I agree with this definition 100%, I do love the perspective it gives and the direction it looks. Mercy from God is something that "always astonishes us." Or it should. Have you become accustomed to the mercy God grants? I pray it is not so! I pray you are always awestruck by the grace of God in granting His mercy to us. I hope that we are all astonished by the things God puts into our lives as He shows us His plan.
Lastly, the sermons at my church this month (first 3 weeks of December, anyway) have been about the 3 great blessings that are ours because of Christmas: Joy, Peace, and Hope (you can listen to the sermons here). I cannot tell you how much a blessing these have been to me these past couple weekends, and how much I am looking forward to this coming one! What gifts. Joy inexplicable! Peace that calms the soul. Hope that looks up and out and forward. Glorious Savior indeed!
Now, go enjoy your Christmas, and don't let the stress in - let HIM in!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Because of Christ, I live.
This morning, I think of this verse in one of my favorite books of the Bible:
Philippians 3:8-12 (ESV)
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own."
Because of Christ, I can be made whole. Because of Christ, I can be righteous. There is power in the resurrection. There is peace. There is joy.
In the quiet this morning, I feel the exhaustion of a week spent doing extra, thinking extra, and sleeping less. I feel the weight of responsibility for what we will do at church again this morning. I
am tired from a busy week, and even more tired thinking of the things that have yet to be done today. I look forward to serving the families that attend our church this morning. I look forward to celebrating with my family later today. I look forward to resting tomorrow.
BUT, more than all that, I am thankful that my Savior defeated death once for all, and because of that I can and will rejoice for all eternity in His presence. That is truly amazing.
So now, this morning, as I rush off to a busy Easter day serving and celebrating, I leave you with these words from Ephesians...
Ephesians 1:3-10 (ESV)
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth."
Philippians 3:8-12 (ESV)
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own."
Because of Christ, I can be made whole. Because of Christ, I can be righteous. There is power in the resurrection. There is peace. There is joy.
In the quiet this morning, I feel the exhaustion of a week spent doing extra, thinking extra, and sleeping less. I feel the weight of responsibility for what we will do at church again this morning. I
am tired from a busy week, and even more tired thinking of the things that have yet to be done today. I look forward to serving the families that attend our church this morning. I look forward to celebrating with my family later today. I look forward to resting tomorrow.
BUT, more than all that, I am thankful that my Savior defeated death once for all, and because of that I can and will rejoice for all eternity in His presence. That is truly amazing.
So now, this morning, as I rush off to a busy Easter day serving and celebrating, I leave you with these words from Ephesians...
Ephesians 1:3-10 (ESV)
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth."
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
It's a good time for a pick-me-up
And these things did the trick:
1. conversation with a wonderful friend
2. prayers of that friend, and another, both of whom love me
3. dinner and conversation with my dad and my youngest brother (on his first night back from the uk)
4. Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (stupid, silly, wonderful
cartoon -thanks to Hulu)
5. The Smurfs (classic) (thanks to Hulu, again)
6. Little Dorrit, BBC version (always the best)
7. finishing Blue Like Jazz (hoping to anyway)
8. all of this with windows open (day 2), no air on all day
(freshness, joy)
9. the idea of a donut breakfast in the morning...
Hopefully, it'll last me through... Friday, when I get to see yet another friend, whom I've not seen since May!
Headache? Yes.
Surviving? Because God is good.
1. conversation with a wonderful friend
2. prayers of that friend, and another, both of whom love me
3. dinner and conversation with my dad and my youngest brother (on his first night back from the uk)
4. Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (stupid, silly, wonderful
cartoon -thanks to Hulu)
5. The Smurfs (classic) (thanks to Hulu, again)
6. Little Dorrit, BBC version (always the best)
7. finishing Blue Like Jazz (hoping to anyway)
8. all of this with windows open (day 2), no air on all day
(freshness, joy)
9. the idea of a donut breakfast in the morning...
Hopefully, it'll last me through... Friday, when I get to see yet another friend, whom I've not seen since May!
Headache? Yes.
Surviving? Because God is good.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Untitled
I am feeling ... untitled tonight.
I watched some MLS (yay). I watched some of "The Office" (yay). I even (why-oh-why) watched a few minutes of a couple other channel 9 (the CW...) shows including "Supernatural" (again: why-oh-why). Then I checked my online ...world... , and now I am about to watch some of a (slightly) depressing, but great movie (which is quickly climbing the ladder to the top of the favorites list) The Fall. This will most likely be followed by a few minutes of reading, even if I'm falling asleep (and, still being sick, I should have been in bed going to sleep over an hour ago).
I am feeling very distracted.
(It has taken me about 25 minutest to write this - and it shouldn't have...)
->I am thinking about decisions I need to make.
->I am thinking about a meeting I wanted to have with someone at church - and how to saw what I feel needs saying without freaking that person out, (or worse) making myself look even more strange than he already (probably) thinks I am.
->I am thinking about a conversation I need to have with someone I work with - and I don't want to, 'cuz I don't even know where to start.
->I am thinking about missions, and what that means for/to me.
->I am wishing I had someone to talk to - who won't (even accidentally) make me feel small or stupid or insignificant.
But, I am feeling insignificant, disconnected, unwanted, as though there is no way for me to live up to the expectations that are there.
*ahem*
I know (I KNOW) that the only Person I have to work for (in ANY situation) is God. I also know I can never reach the standards He has - but I also know that He can. And because of His saving love and His work in me, He can bring me to that standard. So, as long as I focus on and work for HIM, I will not fail. Even if here on earth it looks like failure, or to others, if I am truly following Him, I have not failed.
I am important to Him (only He knows why), I am wanted, I am connected, I am significant; I AM LOVED - by the most amazing Being in the Universe.
I just wish it would translate through a few people here too.
I watched some MLS (yay). I watched some of "The Office" (yay). I even (why-oh-why) watched a few minutes of a couple other channel 9 (the CW...) shows including "Supernatural" (again: why-oh-why). Then I checked my online ...world... , and now I am about to watch some of a (slightly) depressing, but great movie (which is quickly climbing the ladder to the top of the favorites list) The Fall. This will most likely be followed by a few minutes of reading, even if I'm falling asleep (and, still being sick, I should have been in bed going to sleep over an hour ago).
I am feeling very distracted.
(It has taken me about 25 minutest to write this - and it shouldn't have...)
->I am thinking about decisions I need to make.
->I am thinking about a meeting I wanted to have with someone at church - and how to saw what I feel needs saying without freaking that person out, (or worse) making myself look even more strange than he already (probably) thinks I am.
->I am thinking about a conversation I need to have with someone I work with - and I don't want to, 'cuz I don't even know where to start.
->I am thinking about missions, and what that means for/to me.
->I am wishing I had someone to talk to - who won't (even accidentally) make me feel small or stupid or insignificant.
But, I am feeling insignificant, disconnected, unwanted, as though there is no way for me to live up to the expectations that are there.
*ahem*
I know (I KNOW) that the only Person I have to work for (in ANY situation) is God. I also know I can never reach the standards He has - but I also know that He can. And because of His saving love and His work in me, He can bring me to that standard. So, as long as I focus on and work for HIM, I will not fail. Even if here on earth it looks like failure, or to others, if I am truly following Him, I have not failed.
I am important to Him (only He knows why), I am wanted, I am connected, I am significant; I AM LOVED - by the most amazing Being in the Universe.
I just wish it would translate through a few people here too.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Valentines Confessions
I feel like I haven't posted for awhile... but it hasn't actually been that long. today's post promises to be a bit... well, I don't want to say negative, but for lack of a better word...
Here we go.
Valentines day is coming.
I don't really care about it much.
In fact, I have been feeling... well...disillusioned. lost. frustrated.
Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to be all pouty or whatever, it's just that there is not a "real" reason for me to celebrate this season of love your special someone - cuz I don't have one. Sure, I could celebrate my love for my family, my friends, but let's be honest, this is mostly a celebration of that special person who has touched your life in a way no one else can. And what's making it all worse is how most of my friends (whom I greatly care about) are in a relationship like that - some newly and *ahem* oldly dating boyfriends/girlfriends, engaged couples, newly married couples, couples expecting babies... and I am very happy for them, honestly. I am glad that they have been blessed in such a special way. I would never begrudge them that.
And I also realize that not everything is chocolate and kisses and roses. I have witnessed the fights. I have seen the frustration. I have been the listening ear. But behind it, around it, mixed inexplicably with it, is the deep purposeful love that cannot even really be explained well - especially to one who hasn't been around it at all. It is making me jealous. Yeah, jealous.
As much as I don't want to admit it, I am jealous. I wish I could find that special someone. I wish I had someone to share some of my experiences with in that way. I have wonderful, caring friends. I have a great family. I have coworkers who are friends - truly. Those are all bonuses. I have a deep, meaningful relationship with my Creator. What else could I possibly need??
But the desire of my heart is to be a wife, and to be a mother. I cannot (despite the times I've tried) get rid of that desire. I cannot convince myself through other things that I don't want that. And I'm getting impatient. (I know, I know - be patient, quit looking, and "he" will "fall into your lap" - trust me, I've tried that many, MANY times, to no avail. And I was good - I really got to the point of being truly complete with myself in God - still feel that way, in fact - and still, nothing, which is frustrating because I can still feel lonely.) That probably means I'm not really there yet, or not really letting go enough yet, but I am not pining away here, folks. Just feeling a bit lonely here and there.
It terrifies me that I may not ever be blessed like that.
Really, it does.
It is such a deep longing, that I don't know how to even really admit that that might be God's plan for my life. I hate that I didn't want to even type the end of that sentence. How could God possibly allow me to desire something so deeply, if it isn't part of His plan for me?
Trust on.
Even if that's not seeming to "help" me right now.
I don't know what else to say or do.
Here we go.
Valentines day is coming.
I don't really care about it much.
In fact, I have been feeling... well...disillusioned. lost. frustrated.
Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to be all pouty or whatever, it's just that there is not a "real" reason for me to celebrate this season of love your special someone - cuz I don't have one. Sure, I could celebrate my love for my family, my friends, but let's be honest, this is mostly a celebration of that special person who has touched your life in a way no one else can. And what's making it all worse is how most of my friends (whom I greatly care about) are in a relationship like that - some newly and *ahem* oldly dating boyfriends/girlfriends, engaged couples, newly married couples, couples expecting babies... and I am very happy for them, honestly. I am glad that they have been blessed in such a special way. I would never begrudge them that.
And I also realize that not everything is chocolate and kisses and roses. I have witnessed the fights. I have seen the frustration. I have been the listening ear. But behind it, around it, mixed inexplicably with it, is the deep purposeful love that cannot even really be explained well - especially to one who hasn't been around it at all. It is making me jealous. Yeah, jealous.
As much as I don't want to admit it, I am jealous. I wish I could find that special someone. I wish I had someone to share some of my experiences with in that way. I have wonderful, caring friends. I have a great family. I have coworkers who are friends - truly. Those are all bonuses. I have a deep, meaningful relationship with my Creator. What else could I possibly need??
But the desire of my heart is to be a wife, and to be a mother. I cannot (despite the times I've tried) get rid of that desire. I cannot convince myself through other things that I don't want that. And I'm getting impatient. (I know, I know - be patient, quit looking, and "he" will "fall into your lap" - trust me, I've tried that many, MANY times, to no avail. And I was good - I really got to the point of being truly complete with myself in God - still feel that way, in fact - and still, nothing, which is frustrating because I can still feel lonely.) That probably means I'm not really there yet, or not really letting go enough yet, but I am not pining away here, folks. Just feeling a bit lonely here and there.
It terrifies me that I may not ever be blessed like that.
Really, it does.
It is such a deep longing, that I don't know how to even really admit that that might be God's plan for my life. I hate that I didn't want to even type the end of that sentence. How could God possibly allow me to desire something so deeply, if it isn't part of His plan for me?
Trust on.
Even if that's not seeming to "help" me right now.
I don't know what else to say or do.
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