Well. Clearly I don't have enough time on my hands. I can hardly believe it's been almost 6 months since I wrote something here. Oops. Ah, well. Here we are again.
When I look back at my last post, its a little weird to realize that I am wrestling with much of the same. Since then I have moved to a new (and thankfully cheaper) apartment and I love it. The space is laid out in a way I like much better, and I have far more storage. Plus, it's not too much further from work (only about 10 minutes more), so that's nice too.
Things at my current job continue much as they have, though the promise of change (wahoo) has been presented (multiple times) and yet still with very little clarity on what it will actually look like or what effects it will have on specific departments and/or people.
I promise this has to do with love. Stay with me.
Because of those things mulling around and making me wonder if I'm doing what I ought to be doing, the following conversation shocked me a bit. Partly because I've been wondering lately (read: in the last year or so) if it is what I should be doing somehow, and partly because I cannot shake the desire I have to care for little people.
I had a conversation with my youngest brother about a month ago, in which we ended up somehow on the "what would you do if you had a million dollars" question. My go-to response is always: pay off my debts, pay off debts of my family (parents, brothers, etc.), help make my family stable, then see what I can do next (likely help someone somehow). Maybe buy a house. His response to me was something along the lines of "Oh. Yeah, I get that. But I think if you had a million dollars you'd start an orphanage."
It floored me. I have no idea how much I've said to him that I'd want to work with/care for orphans. (To be fair, I have an El Ed degree and have always loved kids but something as specific as an orphanage, well, I'm not sure how much we've talked about that... if ever.) But he knew it to the point that it was what he expected me to do first with an overabundance. I said, "Well, yeah, that makes sense. I sort of have always wanted to do something like that. I love kids, and those kids need it most." He told me that that's exactly what he was thinking: my love of kids and my experience through a teaching degree, coupled with my administrative skill set and experience, running an orphanage seemed like the perfect thing.
Now, don't get me wrong. There is MUCH I don't know about running any type of business or anything in general much less an orphanage where you have to keep people alive and well and not neglected or starving (though plenty of places do just the opposite and are somehow still in business). But it struck a chord.
Today I saw an article posted by a friend's mom that talked about how many kids are literally dying - yes, you read that right: DYING - in orphanages today. Some because of disabilities so that the kids aren't seen as valuable enough to spend time caring for, some because of being grossly understaffed, some just because the convenience of a liquid diet and a cage are easier and keep your numbers of "cared for" up - sometimes because there seems to be no better way, and sometimes because they don't care. Why they work there/run the place boggles my mind. If you don't love children/orphans, WHY are you working in an orphanage??
The article was written by someone who had helped/visited/worked somewhere overseas and seen these terrible situations and couldn't get the kids who are dying out of her mind. She and her husband adopted a little boy from one of these places, and in just 6 months, of really loving and caring for him, he is SO MUCH BETTER. He has a disability (or maybe disabilities) that he will always live with that were present from birth, but he is not skin-and-bones - he is smiling; he is not banging his head against the bars of his crib (at 4 years old) - he is loved. She asks people to think seriously about adoption and what they can do - if not adopt themselves, donate to a family who is trying to bring their child home.
I don't know what to do with this, except to get it out, and to keep praying. I can donate, of course, and there are many places and ways to do so. Child sponsorship is another avenue.
So. If you have at least a million dollars to give away, and a heart for hurting kids, and want to donate to my cause... you know how to get a hold of me, right?
Seriously, though, be praying - not for me (or, not just for me), but for those kids. They need every prayer they can get. Love them through prayer if you can't do anything else. It matters, and it's powerful. Then, do what else you can.
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Relationships and Change are Hard
This has been an interesting few days. I've been mulling some thoughts around since Thursday or Friday night last week, but today, during a staff prayer time, it was broadened a bit, but not in the usual way. More like, um, broadened in my mind. Much of the same, but more. That doesn't make much sense, but there you have it.
So. Over the weekend I had conversations with several friends unexpectedly about deeper things. Things that we feel "weird" about, things we are struggling with, things that are making day-to-day life harder than we think it should be. It was a wide range of topics and ranged from our professional to personal lives, as well as our external to our internal lives. The outcome of each was that we would be committed to praying each other through this week. (Thank the good Lord for Christian friends.)
On to today: I don't go to the prayer time every week (though I often wish I could find the time), but some weeks I can tell I need extra time in prayer - not for myself, but for others, and for the fellowship of other believers. And since I'm still fairly new (less than a year, yet) at this job and in this city, these are people I see around (some more than others) but don't necessarily interact with much, and especially not outside of work projects. Today, we talked about navigating times of grief and knowing and trusting that God is still good. Because he is. He really is. It's too easy to lose track of that when you're hurting. Duh. (Yes, I'm typing that.)
Sometimes grief is due to loss of life (in one way or another) - death of a loved one, or even disaster in a city or country. There are SO MANY stories in the news these days about explosions, murders, sex trafficking, lack of clean water, starvation, orphaned children, and the list just keeps going on. But today what struck me was that sometimes the grief we experience is due to smaller things. Things like finances, or relationships, or loneliness, or an overly full task list.
When we see these things in light of the catastrophes around the world, we often push our "little" things away as they aren't really that big of a deal. I'm alive, I have clean water and plenty of food, I have not been sold to slavery of any kind, I have people to lean on, and I am not afraid for my life every moment of the day. But even when we try to put these things into perspective (which is important), we still come out hurting. And sometimes, we push it down well enough that later it erupts and is (or feels) even worse than before.
I don't have a solution, except this: to pray. Pray for one another. Pray honestly, pray often. If you don't know details, that's ok. Pray for the person. Pray for peace, for dependence on God. You can pray that for anyone - a Christian to remember to do so; an unbeliever to turn to him, maybe for the first time. If you do know more details, pray specifically! Boldly ask God for things. Don't forget to pray for yourself as well. It is easy to get hung up there, so always remember to pray for others, but it is important to lift yourself up as well. It builds relationship with him, which is how we really are able to get through. It also helps your relationships with those around you. When you pray for someone it changes your perspective about them. It doesn't fix issues magically, and it may not mean you're besties-for-life now. In fact, you may never talk to them again (see: forgiveness doesn't mean you have to reconcile the relationship to what it was previously). But it does make things better for both of you, even if one of you doesn't know it (yet?).
And... pray for those you don't agree with, for those you don't respect, for those you don't like. If they are in your sphere of influence or interaction, even a little bit, pray for them. Rather than just getting irritated or confused or frustrated, pray! It will take more than that, of course, and you may still have frustration or confusion; conversations will need to happen and solutions found - even if they aren't what everyone wants. But without prayer it becomes 'my way' vs. 'their way' and we pit ourselves against each other when, in the end, we're trying to reach the same goal. (This is often true even if we aren't all Christians - if we're working together, there's a reason, and it usually has some common purpose even if we understand that purpose differently.) So keep on praying!
One more thought and then I'll stop... each time I encounter grief of any kind, a change has occurred. Or many changes have. Even if it is good, and it isn't always, something has been lost. I have found that even when it was something I may have wanted to lose, the loss of it is still jarring to my internal system/thinking and an adjustment has to be made - I grieve what I knew. That idea of grief is fairly new in my working consciousness, and I struggle to not just dismiss it. "I wanted this, what's wrong with me," is often what I hear myself or others saying when good change has happened and they aren't doing well with it. Of course, this is true in unexpected change or changes you weren't entirely sure about as well.
Don't underestimate your struggle. Don't overestimate it either. It's tempting to go one way or the other. Don't diminish, but do keep perspective. Most importantly: do keep praying.
This post is much (MUCH) longer than I anticipated. The following verse is my current email signature on my personal emails. Every time I send an email I'm reminded. I have it posted by my desk at work as well. Romans 12:12NLT says, "Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." It's the best advice there is. Our confident hope is in Jesus Christ. He has won, so we can rely on him, talk to him, and have patience and yes, even joy.
So. Over the weekend I had conversations with several friends unexpectedly about deeper things. Things that we feel "weird" about, things we are struggling with, things that are making day-to-day life harder than we think it should be. It was a wide range of topics and ranged from our professional to personal lives, as well as our external to our internal lives. The outcome of each was that we would be committed to praying each other through this week. (Thank the good Lord for Christian friends.)
On to today: I don't go to the prayer time every week (though I often wish I could find the time), but some weeks I can tell I need extra time in prayer - not for myself, but for others, and for the fellowship of other believers. And since I'm still fairly new (less than a year, yet) at this job and in this city, these are people I see around (some more than others) but don't necessarily interact with much, and especially not outside of work projects. Today, we talked about navigating times of grief and knowing and trusting that God is still good. Because he is. He really is. It's too easy to lose track of that when you're hurting. Duh. (Yes, I'm typing that.)
Sometimes grief is due to loss of life (in one way or another) - death of a loved one, or even disaster in a city or country. There are SO MANY stories in the news these days about explosions, murders, sex trafficking, lack of clean water, starvation, orphaned children, and the list just keeps going on. But today what struck me was that sometimes the grief we experience is due to smaller things. Things like finances, or relationships, or loneliness, or an overly full task list.
When we see these things in light of the catastrophes around the world, we often push our "little" things away as they aren't really that big of a deal. I'm alive, I have clean water and plenty of food, I have not been sold to slavery of any kind, I have people to lean on, and I am not afraid for my life every moment of the day. But even when we try to put these things into perspective (which is important), we still come out hurting. And sometimes, we push it down well enough that later it erupts and is (or feels) even worse than before.
I don't have a solution, except this: to pray. Pray for one another. Pray honestly, pray often. If you don't know details, that's ok. Pray for the person. Pray for peace, for dependence on God. You can pray that for anyone - a Christian to remember to do so; an unbeliever to turn to him, maybe for the first time. If you do know more details, pray specifically! Boldly ask God for things. Don't forget to pray for yourself as well. It is easy to get hung up there, so always remember to pray for others, but it is important to lift yourself up as well. It builds relationship with him, which is how we really are able to get through. It also helps your relationships with those around you. When you pray for someone it changes your perspective about them. It doesn't fix issues magically, and it may not mean you're besties-for-life now. In fact, you may never talk to them again (see: forgiveness doesn't mean you have to reconcile the relationship to what it was previously). But it does make things better for both of you, even if one of you doesn't know it (yet?).
And... pray for those you don't agree with, for those you don't respect, for those you don't like. If they are in your sphere of influence or interaction, even a little bit, pray for them. Rather than just getting irritated or confused or frustrated, pray! It will take more than that, of course, and you may still have frustration or confusion; conversations will need to happen and solutions found - even if they aren't what everyone wants. But without prayer it becomes 'my way' vs. 'their way' and we pit ourselves against each other when, in the end, we're trying to reach the same goal. (This is often true even if we aren't all Christians - if we're working together, there's a reason, and it usually has some common purpose even if we understand that purpose differently.) So keep on praying!
One more thought and then I'll stop... each time I encounter grief of any kind, a change has occurred. Or many changes have. Even if it is good, and it isn't always, something has been lost. I have found that even when it was something I may have wanted to lose, the loss of it is still jarring to my internal system/thinking and an adjustment has to be made - I grieve what I knew. That idea of grief is fairly new in my working consciousness, and I struggle to not just dismiss it. "I wanted this, what's wrong with me," is often what I hear myself or others saying when good change has happened and they aren't doing well with it. Of course, this is true in unexpected change or changes you weren't entirely sure about as well.
Don't underestimate your struggle. Don't overestimate it either. It's tempting to go one way or the other. Don't diminish, but do keep perspective. Most importantly: do keep praying.
This post is much (MUCH) longer than I anticipated. The following verse is my current email signature on my personal emails. Every time I send an email I'm reminded. I have it posted by my desk at work as well. Romans 12:12NLT says, "Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." It's the best advice there is. Our confident hope is in Jesus Christ. He has won, so we can rely on him, talk to him, and have patience and yes, even joy.
Friday, June 12, 2015
My Crazy Life
Time for an update? I think so. I can’t really believe I haven’t written since December! The past 3 months have been a little crazy in my little life. Since Easter (April 4 & 5), I worked my last week at The Compass, moved to Minneapolis, started my new job at the Evangelical Free Church of America, finished unpacking and organizing (except for the books and movies – they’re shelved, but that’s it) and got my new driver’s license, and am getting a new car next week (hopefully – and that isn’t partially broken!). That’s a lot. I still haven’t settled on a new “home church” but am close. I miss friends, family, belonging. Some mornings I wake up, walk into my living room and think, I’m in Minnesota. Woah. I still can’t completely believe it. My beloved cabin is only 1.5-2 hours away now instead of 8. Yes, I am a lucky girl.
Next up: finish getting a car and... get a library card! ;)
Ok, so I bet you’re wondering how this all came about. Well, for the past couple years I have felt restless – I have prayed for clarity, peace, calm, and many of you have prayed with me. Several months ago, on a very bad day, I decided (thanks to prompting from my mom) to just see if there might be something to apply for at the EFCA in Minneapolis. There wasn’t, but there was a “give us your email and we’ll let you know if anything opens up” box – which I completed. I didn’t really think about it again after a day or so, partly because I was pretty sure if I ever did hear from them that it would be something for which I wasn’t qualified.
Fast forward to March 12th. I received an email notification for an administrative job – a perfect fit. I was shocked. I prayed, and since I was at work, decided to ignore it until after our big event on Saturday morning. I could NOT stop thinking about it. I asked God to get it out of my mind until Saturday unless He wanted me to do something sooner. I couldn’t get it out of my mind! So, Friday morning before I went in for an extra day of work to prepare for the event, I completed the application. Friday afternoon while I ate a late lunch I saw that I had an email response – a form letter asking for completion of a few more questions, which I did. The event on Saturday went well, I worked Sunday too since one of my coworkers was sick and two others were out of town, and Sunday afternoon I crashed.
Monday MORNING I received a phone call asking if I could interview that week. I did a Skype interview that Friday, at the end of which I was told I’d be sent some assessments on Monday. I actually received the first one that afternoon, which I completed. On Monday morning (now we’re at Monday, the 23rd) I got the other assessments, which I did that night right after work. Tuesday around 11a, they called to ask for a second interview. I let my boss know what was going on and she gave me her blessing to follow God’s apparent leading, and that she’d be praying. That Friday, March 27th, I was in Minneapolis for my first in person (but second) interview. It went very well, and I felt like I was already joining the team. I had to remind myself all the way home that it was not for sure, but even my brother was lamenting already how unfair it was that I’d be moving only a couple hours from our lake. ;) I told him it wasn’t for sure, we didn’t really know that, and he confidently said, “Yeah, but you’re moving to Minnesota.” It made me smile. I had been told I’d hear by the end of the week – likely nearer the end.
In the meantime, Trinity International University (my alma mater) had called me for an interview for a position I’d applied for about a week prior to the EFCA job due to the urging of a friend and more prayer. It was something I thought I could do, but I didn’t know if it would really work, or even if it was the right idea. My interview was to be Tuesday, the 31st, so I stayed with my friend Alicia on campus from Saturday night through Monday. Monday I worked from a desk near her office. At 8:30a I got texts from 2 of my references saying they’d just talked to the EFCA. WOAH. By 10a I had a job offer, which I accepted via phone – and would accept officially via email a few hours later. It had been two weeks and two days since I’d HEARD about the opportunity.
Clearly, very clearly, this was God’s plan. I cancelled my interview with Trinity, called my parents and told my closest friends, and my boss – who were all excited for me. Tuesday first thing I submitted my notice. The week following Easter was my last. It was a good place to be and I learned a lot, and I love people there, but I cannot explain the peace that exists when you are living in God’s plan – it has been chaotic and crazy and fast, but it has been good.
I have learned a ton in my first two months here. I have made connections with people here, and some of them are becoming friends. I look forward to settling into a church (which is hard in the land of 10,000 lakes during the summer) and getting into a small group. My apartment feels like home, though it will more so once a few friends have been there, which is happening soon as friends from Illinois come to visit. I will also feel more settled once I reorganize (properly) my book and movie shelves and get a library card so I can get … more books!
Thanks to all of you who have prayed, all of you who have been patiently waiting for the details of this update, and those of you who have listened lovingly and kindly to the moments when I’m freaking out (DMVs and driver’s knowledge tests are STRESSFUL)! God has blessed me richly, and most of it is because of you. God is good, and my story is proof!
I promise it won’t be as long again before I write… at least, I hope not! Until then...
Monday, December 29, 2014
Surgery
Today, both of my parents are having surgery. In fact, my mom's in hers as I type this. They'll both be fine, and I shouldn't really be worried, but that's the part of me that is my mother's daughter. But I'm also my father's daughter, so I find myself in this detached worrying state. If I think about it too much, I start to freak myself out - but I'm not so far gone that I can't recognize what's happening and stop it. It's sort of like part of my brain is saying "freak out! your parents are in SURgEry! you can't do anything! and your mom insists she doesn't want help once she's home even though that sounds crazy! yOU HAVE to be there for the next 2 weeks to be sure they're ok!!" and the other part of my brain is saying "seriously? chill out man. help 'em out tomorrow, but good grief, calm down. they're fine. the doctors are good and your dad doesn't seem worried so just quit it. and your mom's not even as worried as you'd expect so just cut it out. drive them home tomorrow and then go on with life." Yeah, ok brain. Whatever you say (that's the first part breaking in again).
Because of this, I have found myself researching thyroids and gall bladders over the past few days and I know the symptoms related to problems, and the expected recovery time after surgery. I (thankfully) did not dig to deep, so I don't know complications or weird stories that have happened to the 1 in a thousand or whatever. And I feel confident that they'll be fine. I really do - but sometimes your emotions start to try to convince you otherwise. I mean, it's my parents!
Of course, I start thinking I should distract myself. Read a book, watch tv, do something crafty, whatever. Just get busy. I started thinking about posting about the books I've read this year. But as I even thought through that post (which I'll likely post tomorrow instead), I realized I should address what I'm really thinking about so I can let it go and not over do the stress on myself, which really isn't necessary. My youngest brother is with them today, my other brother and his family are praying warriors, and I'll be there to get them and help them tomorrow.
So what do I do now? Well, I'm with one of my dearest friends, and we both need rest today, so we plan to get some decongestant medicine and such from the store and then chill and watch Doctor Who for most of the day. I will also be knitting. We'll likely take some time to read as well. But you can bet I'll have my phone beside me all day, waiting to hear from my brother (who's with them) or until I can call them myself.
Then, tomorrow, I'll be the one to pick them up and take them home. I know they've already had friends dropping off meals and offering to help, which is encouraging. I will hang out there until we all feel comfortable with me leaving - could be same day, could be longer. Good thing I like reading and quiet, huh? Of course, I have movies to watch as well. :)
So if you're the praying-to-Jesus type, please join me in praying for them. For peace, for steady hands of the doctors and nurses, for quick and full healing, for little pain and good pain control, and for rest. Pray for low stress levels. Pray for the rest of my family not to be worried more than we should. And praise Him for the blessings - both surgeries are fairly common, my parents convinced the hospital to put them in the same recovery room, and my brothers and I have all been available to help.
At the end of the day, and all throughout it, actually, despite surgery, worry, and stress, God is good.
Because of this, I have found myself researching thyroids and gall bladders over the past few days and I know the symptoms related to problems, and the expected recovery time after surgery. I (thankfully) did not dig to deep, so I don't know complications or weird stories that have happened to the 1 in a thousand or whatever. And I feel confident that they'll be fine. I really do - but sometimes your emotions start to try to convince you otherwise. I mean, it's my parents!
Of course, I start thinking I should distract myself. Read a book, watch tv, do something crafty, whatever. Just get busy. I started thinking about posting about the books I've read this year. But as I even thought through that post (which I'll likely post tomorrow instead), I realized I should address what I'm really thinking about so I can let it go and not over do the stress on myself, which really isn't necessary. My youngest brother is with them today, my other brother and his family are praying warriors, and I'll be there to get them and help them tomorrow.
So what do I do now? Well, I'm with one of my dearest friends, and we both need rest today, so we plan to get some decongestant medicine and such from the store and then chill and watch Doctor Who for most of the day. I will also be knitting. We'll likely take some time to read as well. But you can bet I'll have my phone beside me all day, waiting to hear from my brother (who's with them) or until I can call them myself.
Then, tomorrow, I'll be the one to pick them up and take them home. I know they've already had friends dropping off meals and offering to help, which is encouraging. I will hang out there until we all feel comfortable with me leaving - could be same day, could be longer. Good thing I like reading and quiet, huh? Of course, I have movies to watch as well. :)
So if you're the praying-to-Jesus type, please join me in praying for them. For peace, for steady hands of the doctors and nurses, for quick and full healing, for little pain and good pain control, and for rest. Pray for low stress levels. Pray for the rest of my family not to be worried more than we should. And praise Him for the blessings - both surgeries are fairly common, my parents convinced the hospital to put them in the same recovery room, and my brothers and I have all been available to help.
At the end of the day, and all throughout it, actually, despite surgery, worry, and stress, God is good.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Part of a Promise
I have finally had (read: taken) the time to process some of the Christmas/spiritual life thoughts I've been having lately. Because of that, what began as a short post on Facebook became this blog post. And as I wrote, it kept lengthening. But it's so good to think through these things - for me it helps them sink in better...and I need that!
I've been reading a daily devotional I received (thanks, Mom) that is designed to prepare you for the arrival of the Son of God through the month of December (Advent) through January 6 (Ephiphany). The reading from yesterday has stuck with me, especially as part of this past weekend's sermon echoed these thoughts as well.
WE are part of the story! WE are still receiving the blessing that resulted from the faith of those in the story we read. WE should be amazed and awed at the wonder God has shared with us and sing praises giving thanks to Him. For unto US a child was given, and He is our Savior and the Prince of Peace (paraphrased Isa. 9:6). Because of His birth, and our part in the prophecies foretold (which, incidentally is also because of His birth and our salvation through His death), WE (should) celebrate the glorious arrival of Jesus and His infinite wisdom, power, and love.
How can we just sit still? I mean, we don't really, but we do where it matters. I do! I am so tired from all the running around, the planning, the trying to be sure I haven't somehow left someone out or hurt them (how ridiculously far I over think this, few of you have any idea).
How do we not shout the news like the shepherds, or make the journey like the wise men? (This still makes me think of little Gladys Herdman: "Hey! Hey! Unto you a child is born!" When you haven't heard it before, it really means something, and it's worth shouting! People gotta know!)
How do we not trust like Joseph or wonder like Mary? I get so caught up in what I need to get done, or planning who to see and when (which is good, I grant you, but not enough), that I completely forget to TRUST God with the things that are stressing me out (today. this happened MULTIPLE TIMES - TODAY.) and I forget to wonder at the amazing story that He has given us, and made me part of when He made me His child!
I have always loved Christmas - just ask my mom. I love the seasons, the change, the beauty of each one, but winter is my favorite, and I know a lot of that is because of Christmas. The joy in the air, the family (both biological and chosen), time with friends, activities, and demonstrations of love through food, fun, gifts, laughter, and shared craziness - it is a wonderful thing. But often, I let the stress society (and myself) puts on it seep into my enjoyment. I let the stress of preparing to be away from work for a few days overshadow the joy and celebration of the season.
Then, today's reading spoke of mercy. The author describes mercy as "that which fulfills our heart's desire, that which gives purpose to our lives, that which also allows us not only to be loved, but also to love completely." While I'm not sure I agree with this definition 100%, I do love the perspective it gives and the direction it looks. Mercy from God is something that "always astonishes us." Or it should. Have you become accustomed to the mercy God grants? I pray it is not so! I pray you are always awestruck by the grace of God in granting His mercy to us. I hope that we are all astonished by the things God puts into our lives as He shows us His plan.
Lastly, the sermons at my church this month (first 3 weeks of December, anyway) have been about the 3 great blessings that are ours because of Christmas: Joy, Peace, and Hope (you can listen to the sermons here). I cannot tell you how much a blessing these have been to me these past couple weekends, and how much I am looking forward to this coming one! What gifts. Joy inexplicable! Peace that calms the soul. Hope that looks up and out and forward. Glorious Savior indeed!
Now, go enjoy your Christmas, and don't let the stress in - let HIM in!
I've been reading a daily devotional I received (thanks, Mom) that is designed to prepare you for the arrival of the Son of God through the month of December (Advent) through January 6 (Ephiphany). The reading from yesterday has stuck with me, especially as part of this past weekend's sermon echoed these thoughts as well.
WE are part of the story! WE are still receiving the blessing that resulted from the faith of those in the story we read. WE should be amazed and awed at the wonder God has shared with us and sing praises giving thanks to Him. For unto US a child was given, and He is our Savior and the Prince of Peace (paraphrased Isa. 9:6). Because of His birth, and our part in the prophecies foretold (which, incidentally is also because of His birth and our salvation through His death), WE (should) celebrate the glorious arrival of Jesus and His infinite wisdom, power, and love.
How can we just sit still? I mean, we don't really, but we do where it matters. I do! I am so tired from all the running around, the planning, the trying to be sure I haven't somehow left someone out or hurt them (how ridiculously far I over think this, few of you have any idea).
How do we not shout the news like the shepherds, or make the journey like the wise men? (This still makes me think of little Gladys Herdman: "Hey! Hey! Unto you a child is born!" When you haven't heard it before, it really means something, and it's worth shouting! People gotta know!)
How do we not trust like Joseph or wonder like Mary? I get so caught up in what I need to get done, or planning who to see and when (which is good, I grant you, but not enough), that I completely forget to TRUST God with the things that are stressing me out (today. this happened MULTIPLE TIMES - TODAY.) and I forget to wonder at the amazing story that He has given us, and made me part of when He made me His child!
I have always loved Christmas - just ask my mom. I love the seasons, the change, the beauty of each one, but winter is my favorite, and I know a lot of that is because of Christmas. The joy in the air, the family (both biological and chosen), time with friends, activities, and demonstrations of love through food, fun, gifts, laughter, and shared craziness - it is a wonderful thing. But often, I let the stress society (and myself) puts on it seep into my enjoyment. I let the stress of preparing to be away from work for a few days overshadow the joy and celebration of the season.
Then, today's reading spoke of mercy. The author describes mercy as "that which fulfills our heart's desire, that which gives purpose to our lives, that which also allows us not only to be loved, but also to love completely." While I'm not sure I agree with this definition 100%, I do love the perspective it gives and the direction it looks. Mercy from God is something that "always astonishes us." Or it should. Have you become accustomed to the mercy God grants? I pray it is not so! I pray you are always awestruck by the grace of God in granting His mercy to us. I hope that we are all astonished by the things God puts into our lives as He shows us His plan.
Lastly, the sermons at my church this month (first 3 weeks of December, anyway) have been about the 3 great blessings that are ours because of Christmas: Joy, Peace, and Hope (you can listen to the sermons here). I cannot tell you how much a blessing these have been to me these past couple weekends, and how much I am looking forward to this coming one! What gifts. Joy inexplicable! Peace that calms the soul. Hope that looks up and out and forward. Glorious Savior indeed!
Now, go enjoy your Christmas, and don't let the stress in - let HIM in!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Prayer for Strangers
Tonight I find myself thinking a lot about people I don't know. Specfic people I don't know. Their names are Chad and Chris. They live in Europe, but I don't know exactly where (though I do have a better guess than I'm willing to share for the time being). I don't even know how well they know each other or how much they work together. What I do know is that they have a meeting (meetings?) tomorrow or Tuesday that will impact how they minister in the coming months, possibly years.
Despite how much I don't know, and will likely never know, they have been on my mind much of yesterday and most of today. I feel almost inexplicably that I need to be praying for them, for this (these?) meeting(s), and for the future they will be part of - either separately or together. So I pray, and I trust God; for them, and for me.
And with that, I say goodnight.
Despite how much I don't know, and will likely never know, they have been on my mind much of yesterday and most of today. I feel almost inexplicably that I need to be praying for them, for this (these?) meeting(s), and for the future they will be part of - either separately or together. So I pray, and I trust God; for them, and for me.
Lord God, You know ALL the details. The ones I don't, the ones Chad and Chris don't, the ones Andrew doesn't; You already see how it all works out and comes together. You have a plan for each of their lives from tomorrow to next week to next month to next year. Whatever direction they are looking into for the mission that is their life, I ask that they would have clear minds, pure hearts, and lean on Your guidance in any decisions they need to make. I pray you would give them the clarity to ask pertinent questions, and not to do what they will, but what You will for the future of the people they serve, and serve with. As they move through this week, give them encouragement, give them stamina, give them courage; show them a little more of You through their work, through their families. I know that as they seek to follow Your plan, the outcome will be what is best, and what will glorify You.
Father, I know that you have put Chad and Chris on my mind this weekend for a reason. I don't know if I will ever even have a conversation with them, or if it is just a step along my journey with you that I even have heard their names, but You do. Perhaps it is purely because they needed an extra prayer warrior going into the meeting this week. Maybe its because it is stretching my faith, my obedience to You even in something that seems small, in something that even feels a little odd. To be praying for them by name, though, I feel like Your power is being used through my obedience. So thank You for using me, for not letting me push away the thought of what I feel like You'd asked me to do. Stand beside Chad, stand beside Chris, and even Andrew and his family as they get ready for the field again. Show them that Your strength is holding them, guiding them and their families. Bless them richly for their obedience to You and the calling You've placed on their lives. Amen.
And with that, I say goodnight.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Trust
Today was busy, filled with prayer (for many reasons), and long. But it ended well.
I had a very long, trying day. Many things not cooperating (machines, deliveries, etc.) but I had the help of some fabulous volunteers and encouragement and prayer from friends.
In the back of my mind were 2 guys who are struggling to recover from some serious accidents, which became 3 by the end of the day. Crazy times. Plus a friend who's mom is battling cancer.
Prayers going like crazy.
But God is good!
I had a very long, trying day. Many things not cooperating (machines, deliveries, etc.) but I had the help of some fabulous volunteers and encouragement and prayer from friends.
In the back of my mind were 2 guys who are struggling to recover from some serious accidents, which became 3 by the end of the day. Crazy times. Plus a friend who's mom is battling cancer.
Prayers going like crazy.
But God is good!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Woah
Today is rough again. And it's only 11:00 in the morning.
Woah.
Friends and co-workers dealing with crappy stuff, and an overall announcement which may end up being difficult for many people. We'll have to wait and see... Not so fun. Prayers continuing so much.
And at the same time, I'm excited because I get to see a fun movie tonight with a friend for free.
The juxtaposition is killing me.
All I've got is... woah.
God, be with me today. I need You.
Woah.
Friends and co-workers dealing with crappy stuff, and an overall announcement which may end up being difficult for many people. We'll have to wait and see... Not so fun. Prayers continuing so much.
And at the same time, I'm excited because I get to see a fun movie tonight with a friend for free.
The juxtaposition is killing me.
All I've got is... woah.
God, be with me today. I need You.
Monday, December 6, 2010
I don't like this. Not one bit.
Today was rough.
A friend is losing someone she loves.
Another friend is dealing with a loved one in the hospital.
Another sweet co-worker is dealing with the impending loss of her mother and difficult siblings.
And work is crazy as usual.
Praying like crazy for all the above.
Get me outta here.
A friend is losing someone she loves.
Another friend is dealing with a loved one in the hospital.
Another sweet co-worker is dealing with the impending loss of her mother and difficult siblings.
And work is crazy as usual.
Praying like crazy for all the above.
Get me outta here.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
prayer is SO important.
An excerpt from a blog I've been following for awhile now, from the father of a 2-year-old with Neuroblastoma.
"I miss Charley. I miss home. I miss a bed which doesn’t wake me up literally every other hour with messed up shoulder pain. I’m tired. We’re both tired. We’ve been exhausted for a year. We’re doing everything we need to be doing, I know that. I know all the comforting words and viewpoints, I know this too shall pass, and I know we’re where we need to be right now. It just sucks, the whole thing of it. Days kind of just pass, you never know which day of the week it is or what hour. I’m hungry… what meal should I be eating right now? That sort of thing. You know when you’re really tired and you get that ache behind your eyes feeling? I feel that more often than I don’t."Charley's their other son - one from a set of twins. His twin only made it here for a week before going home to Jesus.
Pray for Kyle & Robyn.
They amaze me, but they need His strength & our prayers.
More info, from the source: thematthewsstory.com
"I miss Charley. I miss home. I miss a bed which doesn’t wake me up literally every other hour with messed up shoulder pain. I’m tired. We’re both tired. We’ve been exhausted for a year. We’re doing everything we need to be doing, I know that. I know all the comforting words and viewpoints, I know this too shall pass, and I know we’re where we need to be right now. It just sucks, the whole thing of it. Days kind of just pass, you never know which day of the week it is or what hour. I’m hungry… what meal should I be eating right now? That sort of thing. You know when you’re really tired and you get that ache behind your eyes feeling? I feel that more often than I don’t."Charley's their other son - one from a set of twins. His twin only made it here for a week before going home to Jesus.
Pray for Kyle & Robyn.
They amaze me, but they need His strength & our prayers.
More info, from the source: thematthewsstory.com
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Musings on my Strange Soft Spot
*before you get any wrong ideas, read thoroughly. please.*
**it may get long...you have been forewarned.**
(ok, wow, I could write a book, apparently. plan to take breaks unless you have 10-12 minutes to spare.)
I have always had a heart that goes out to those kids (well, people) with special needs (especially kids; but when we face it, those kids grow up, and they are some of the sweetest people I've ever met as adults) or who have a disability of some kind.
I have had very little interaction with these folks. Because of that, I am (a bit?) nervous around them. It has nothing to do with them, though. I think (when I try to examine the inner workings of my mind) that it's because I'm afraid I'll hurt them or offend them, which I want desperately not to do.
When I was in college, a friend babysat regularly for a family whose youngest (of 3) had Down Syndrome. She was the most adorable, precious, sweet little girl I'd ever seen/heard stories about. I couldn't get her off my mind.
I worked in the bookstore on campus, and one week that year, we had a clearance sale - and staff got first pick. I randomly found a book of pictures - pencil drawings, portraits of these beautiful people - many of whom had disabilities of some kind, several with Down Syndrome. I read the intros and poured over the pictures for hours that weekend. Literally. Their faces are an open book. No hidden agenda, it's all right there. Rarely do you see such intense interest in anything once a person is above the age of ... well, 3 or 4. Rarely do you see such pure joy - especially over the simplest (and yet most amazing) things. I love that book. It's on a shelf in my home, and I stumble on it from time to time and pour over it all over again.
Yesterday night, when I was exhausted, but unable to sleep, I browsed through the Netflix Instant Viewing library of documentaries (I had talked to a friend about documentaries this past weekend, and thought I'd see if there were any I wanted to watch sometime). I found one about a guy with Down Syndrome, made by his childhood friend when they were older (and still good friends). I added it to my queue thinking I'd watch it "someday." Tonight, I jumped on Netflix (ah, happiness) to watch a little something before getting ready for bed. I hadn't thought about watching a documentary. I was thinking 'half-hour cartoon/show/something stupid' to unwind. But nothing hit me right. I kept going in circles, unable to make a decision...except I kept coming back to Up Syndrome. So I decided to start it (on Netflix, it's about an hour long). I watched about 15 minutes before I had to make a statement on Facebook about how wonderful it is, complete with the link to the trailer. I watched 35 minutes before I could make myself turn it off to attempt the other stuff I needed to do.
While watching it, I went in my room for a blanket/sweatshirt (windows open, breezy, I was cold), and I saw the shelf. That shelf. I pulled the book. I poured. The inspiration hit. I started writing.
I went back and forth.
Do I write this?
How do I do it so I don't offend anyone?
How do I make myself clear on what I do/feel/think, when I'm still not 100% sure that I've got it all figured out?
Isn't that the point of this whole thing? To wonder about stuff? To get out the feelings, the thoughts, the ideas?
YES. Yes, it is.
Most people know I have a HUGE soft spot for kids. I love them. They are hilarious, they are sweet, they are funny. They can be crazy, rude, disrespectful (I mostly blame the parents, but sin, of course, is a large factor too), naughty. But they are precious. They see so many things so simply. I can connect with a child so quickly, so deeply. When they hurt, it makes me hurt. I want to make everything better for them - not easy, better. I want each child to grow up strong, faithful, knowing that God is so much bigger than even they can imagine - and they can imagine much more than most of us.
Kids with disabilities like Down Syndrome (or any - physical, mental, emotional - for that matter) strike me the same way - and yet differently. Their lives are so much more complicated in some ways, so much more simple in others. The life experience they've been dealt is a direct result of sin in the world - what did they do to deserve it? No more than I did to be where I am.
Again, when I was in college, there was this great place where many developmentally disabled people live and work. They also work in several of the businesses in the area, including the local Panera, McDonalds, and on campus at the dining hall and the student center. One of my classes required time in a small group (3 college students, 3 friends from this place, and their 2 helpers) 2-3 times per week for the majority of the semester. I can only remember one of their names, but they were amazing. The sweet girl was so quiet, but if you got her going on something she liked, man, she could be occupied for hours - she'd even get up enough courage to tell you almost a sentence and a half about it. Daniel on the other hand, was by far the most outgoing. He wanted to make sure you knew as much as he did about everything around him. He told us about each day at work when we saw him. He told us about shooting pool and how to make sure the balls went in the holes. He loved to walk from the cafeteria to the rec center. The days he was not smiling were few and far between.
Ok, so back to my statement about being nervous around these special people. I have realized as I wrote this that I have had more interaction than I thought. There was also a handful of little kids at my church (nursery through early elementary) that I had (minimal to weekly) interaction with over the past few "ministry seasons" (years). One LOVED to tell jokes of any kind, especially the kind that make no sense whatsoever. One was a sweet infant who smiled more than any other baby I've seen - including the one I'm biased about. One was always jumping and running to his classroom to learn about Jesus. So awesome. Maybe part of my issue is that it's still a new person - someone I don't know yet. I have some shyness in that way (regardless of age or gender or anything else), and it can present itself in a stand-off-ish, I'm-too-good-for-you, or I-don't-know-how-to-handle-you kind of way sometimes (so I've been told). I think this is magnified by the reasons I listed earlier. I really don't want anyone I am interacting with to feel rejected, on the fringe, like an outcast, or that their being included because "I have to." I want them to feel loved. To feel wanted. To see God through me.
Pray for these people. They are often misunderstood. Pray for their families. They have been through much together. Pray for others around them, that interactions would be positive, not negative. Pray for the church, that it would not have a reputation of neglecting these important souls. Love these people. It's one of the best things you can do.
I recommend looking at the pictures from the book (see link above). I recommend watching at least part of the documentary if you can find it (link above, another one here.)
One last thought. I have contemplated through the years the idea of adoption. Since college, that thought has included the thought of a special needs child. Now, I know I am no where near ready to do any kind of adopting at this point. I don't know if that is even something God wants for me. It scares me to think I could be a parent to a child (naturally or otherwise) with such needs that I know so little about. But I would rather figure it out, leaning on God (with my future spouse; I don't really think I'd like to parent alone if I had the choice), and loving that child to the best of HIS ability. It is a ... thing ... in my heart. I don't have a good word. I don't know if it's a desire. All I know is, I love to love kids. I love to help them learn and grow. I love to see them making sense of things, figuring it out. I love seeing them singing praises to Jesus (I'm getting a lump in my throat just thinking about it). If God wants me to be the parent of a child who has extra hurdles to jump, I don't want to be closed to the idea. I want to embrace it, that sweet child, my family, and Him, and see what amazing things He can do.
All praises be to the King of kings, and the Lord of lords, He is wonderful!
Revelation 19
**it may get long...you have been forewarned.**
(ok, wow, I could write a book, apparently. plan to take breaks unless you have 10-12 minutes to spare.)
I have always had a heart that goes out to those kids (well, people) with special needs (especially kids; but when we face it, those kids grow up, and they are some of the sweetest people I've ever met as adults) or who have a disability of some kind.
I have had very little interaction with these folks. Because of that, I am (a bit?) nervous around them. It has nothing to do with them, though. I think (when I try to examine the inner workings of my mind) that it's because I'm afraid I'll hurt them or offend them, which I want desperately not to do.When I was in college, a friend babysat regularly for a family whose youngest (of 3) had Down Syndrome. She was the most adorable, precious, sweet little girl I'd ever seen/heard stories about. I couldn't get her off my mind.
I worked in the bookstore on campus, and one week that year, we had a clearance sale - and staff got first pick. I randomly found a book of pictures - pencil drawings, portraits of these beautiful people - many of whom had disabilities of some kind, several with Down Syndrome. I read the intros and poured over the pictures for hours that weekend. Literally. Their faces are an open book. No hidden agenda, it's all right there. Rarely do you see such intense interest in anything once a person is above the age of ... well, 3 or 4. Rarely do you see such pure joy - especially over the simplest (and yet most amazing) things. I love that book. It's on a shelf in my home, and I stumble on it from time to time and pour over it all over again.
Yesterday night, when I was exhausted, but unable to sleep, I browsed through the Netflix Instant Viewing library of documentaries (I had talked to a friend about documentaries this past weekend, and thought I'd see if there were any I wanted to watch sometime). I found one about a guy with Down Syndrome, made by his childhood friend when they were older (and still good friends). I added it to my queue thinking I'd watch it "someday." Tonight, I jumped on Netflix (ah, happiness) to watch a little something before getting ready for bed. I hadn't thought about watching a documentary. I was thinking 'half-hour cartoon/show/something stupid' to unwind. But nothing hit me right. I kept going in circles, unable to make a decision...except I kept coming back to Up Syndrome. So I decided to start it (on Netflix, it's about an hour long). I watched about 15 minutes before I had to make a statement on Facebook about how wonderful it is, complete with the link to the trailer. I watched 35 minutes before I could make myself turn it off to attempt the other stuff I needed to do.
While watching it, I went in my room for a blanket/sweatshirt (windows open, breezy, I was cold), and I saw the shelf. That shelf. I pulled the book. I poured. The inspiration hit. I started writing.I went back and forth.
Do I write this?
How do I do it so I don't offend anyone?
How do I make myself clear on what I do/feel/think, when I'm still not 100% sure that I've got it all figured out?
Isn't that the point of this whole thing? To wonder about stuff? To get out the feelings, the thoughts, the ideas?
YES. Yes, it is.
Most people know I have a HUGE soft spot for kids. I love them. They are hilarious, they are sweet, they are funny. They can be crazy, rude, disrespectful (I mostly blame the parents, but sin, of course, is a large factor too), naughty. But they are precious. They see so many things so simply. I can connect with a child so quickly, so deeply. When they hurt, it makes me hurt. I want to make everything better for them - not easy, better. I want each child to grow up strong, faithful, knowing that God is so much bigger than even they can imagine - and they can imagine much more than most of us.
Kids with disabilities like Down Syndrome (or any - physical, mental, emotional - for that matter) strike me the same way - and yet differently. Their lives are so much more complicated in some ways, so much more simple in others. The life experience they've been dealt is a direct result of sin in the world - what did they do to deserve it? No more than I did to be where I am.
Again, when I was in college, there was this great place where many developmentally disabled people live and work. They also work in several of the businesses in the area, including the local Panera, McDonalds, and on campus at the dining hall and the student center. One of my classes required time in a small group (3 college students, 3 friends from this place, and their 2 helpers) 2-3 times per week for the majority of the semester. I can only remember one of their names, but they were amazing. The sweet girl was so quiet, but if you got her going on something she liked, man, she could be occupied for hours - she'd even get up enough courage to tell you almost a sentence and a half about it. Daniel on the other hand, was by far the most outgoing. He wanted to make sure you knew as much as he did about everything around him. He told us about each day at work when we saw him. He told us about shooting pool and how to make sure the balls went in the holes. He loved to walk from the cafeteria to the rec center. The days he was not smiling were few and far between.
Ok, so back to my statement about being nervous around these special people. I have realized as I wrote this that I have had more interaction than I thought. There was also a handful of little kids at my church (nursery through early elementary) that I had (minimal to weekly) interaction with over the past few "ministry seasons" (years). One LOVED to tell jokes of any kind, especially the kind that make no sense whatsoever. One was a sweet infant who smiled more than any other baby I've seen - including the one I'm biased about. One was always jumping and running to his classroom to learn about Jesus. So awesome. Maybe part of my issue is that it's still a new person - someone I don't know yet. I have some shyness in that way (regardless of age or gender or anything else), and it can present itself in a stand-off-ish, I'm-too-good-for-you, or I-don't-know-how-to-handle-you kind of way sometimes (so I've been told). I think this is magnified by the reasons I listed earlier. I really don't want anyone I am interacting with to feel rejected, on the fringe, like an outcast, or that their being included because "I have to." I want them to feel loved. To feel wanted. To see God through me.
Pray for these people. They are often misunderstood. Pray for their families. They have been through much together. Pray for others around them, that interactions would be positive, not negative. Pray for the church, that it would not have a reputation of neglecting these important souls. Love these people. It's one of the best things you can do.
I recommend looking at the pictures from the book (see link above). I recommend watching at least part of the documentary if you can find it (link above, another one here.)
One last thought. I have contemplated through the years the idea of adoption. Since college, that thought has included the thought of a special needs child. Now, I know I am no where near ready to do any kind of adopting at this point. I don't know if that is even something God wants for me. It scares me to think I could be a parent to a child (naturally or otherwise) with such needs that I know so little about. But I would rather figure it out, leaning on God (with my future spouse; I don't really think I'd like to parent alone if I had the choice), and loving that child to the best of HIS ability. It is a ... thing ... in my heart. I don't have a good word. I don't know if it's a desire. All I know is, I love to love kids. I love to help them learn and grow. I love to see them making sense of things, figuring it out. I love seeing them singing praises to Jesus (I'm getting a lump in my throat just thinking about it). If God wants me to be the parent of a child who has extra hurdles to jump, I don't want to be closed to the idea. I want to embrace it, that sweet child, my family, and Him, and see what amazing things He can do.
All praises be to the King of kings, and the Lord of lords, He is wonderful!
Revelation 19
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Going into Monday...
As I prepare to head to bed, I thought I'd better get these -ahem- thoughts down before I forgot. Because I think I'll need to remember them a few times this week.
I serve a great and mighty God, Who has gone above and beyond anything I can even imagine - I can't even come close to actually comprehending what He's done for me - and how much He loves me. He has given me gifts (relationships with people, helping others, singing, playing the piano, listening, praying, I could sit and think of more, but let's move on) that I can use better than someone who hasn't got those gifts from Him. My responsibility is to do the very best that I can in this world, in the situations that present themselves on a weekly, daily, hourly (minutely?) basis. As long as that is my goal (glorifying Him by using the gifts He's graciously given me), there is no such thing as failure. No matter what does or does not get accomplished in this place, in the world, in my life, my job, my relationships with others, if (IF) I am truly doing my best FOR HIM, I cannot fail. He won't let me fall and smudge His Name. I do not (absolutely do not, no chance, no question about it) have enough strength or force of will to do that day in day out - sometimes even hour or minute in or out - but He does.
Therein lies my confidence. My ability to persevere. My ability to continually pray to the One Who is my Rock, my Strength, my Guide, my Protector, my Savior, my Peace. Because of these things (promises He's made to me - not that it'll be easy, but that He will never leave my side), I can be content in Him. It doesn't mean I have to like the situation(s), but I have to trust Him, have confidence in Him. And because I know that He's the One in charge, I can be truly fearless in the fact that I am His, He is mine (!), and He knows what's gonna happen even when I don't (which is almost always). Peace that transcends understanding. Contentment.
Glory to God, forever.
I serve a great and mighty God, Who has gone above and beyond anything I can even imagine - I can't even come close to actually comprehending what He's done for me - and how much He loves me. He has given me gifts (relationships with people, helping others, singing, playing the piano, listening, praying, I could sit and think of more, but let's move on) that I can use better than someone who hasn't got those gifts from Him. My responsibility is to do the very best that I can in this world, in the situations that present themselves on a weekly, daily, hourly (minutely?) basis. As long as that is my goal (glorifying Him by using the gifts He's graciously given me), there is no such thing as failure. No matter what does or does not get accomplished in this place, in the world, in my life, my job, my relationships with others, if (IF) I am truly doing my best FOR HIM, I cannot fail. He won't let me fall and smudge His Name. I do not (absolutely do not, no chance, no question about it) have enough strength or force of will to do that day in day out - sometimes even hour or minute in or out - but He does.
Therein lies my confidence. My ability to persevere. My ability to continually pray to the One Who is my Rock, my Strength, my Guide, my Protector, my Savior, my Peace. Because of these things (promises He's made to me - not that it'll be easy, but that He will never leave my side), I can be content in Him. It doesn't mean I have to like the situation(s), but I have to trust Him, have confidence in Him. And because I know that He's the One in charge, I can be truly fearless in the fact that I am His, He is mine (!), and He knows what's gonna happen even when I don't (which is almost always). Peace that transcends understanding. Contentment.
Glory to God, forever.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Getting it out
Still, I cannot get them off my mind. Prayer. That's all I can do. That's the only way I can get any of these feelings out.
It makes me wonder: I have thought about missions. Before my current job I was looking into missions organizations, trying to discern if that was the way God was leading me. Missions has been something that has been on my heart in many ways for quite a long time - since high school, actually. I have an aunt who was a missionary in Germany for a long time. I think that may have started it. I have never been on a missions trip for various reasons: lack of money, fear, bad timing, a plethora of others. And yet, I have often wondered (sometimes more than others) if God wants me to be a missionary somewhere other than here, where I am 'comfortable'. But the door has never opened. At least not yet.
And I find myself wondering, as I read the prayer requests and pray for my friends' family, would I be able to hold on to God and remain faithful if it was me? Would I be willing to admit that maybe God gave me a precious little girl for only a week of her (and my) life? Would I be able to love her the way they did? Would I be able to continue His work while dealing with such a devastating blow? How would I react? What would I do? Would I be able to trust Him wholly still? Would I be able to look forward to what He would do?
When I think these things, it scares me. I don’t want to doubt Him. But even more, I don’t want fear to be the reason I don’t obey. There is a very minimal possibility that I may have a chance to go on a missions trip myself before very long. The very idea terrifies me. But it excites me as well. I want to be abandoned to God. Wholly and completely. I want to be sold out to Him. And that is a terrifying, exciting, crazy thing.
And as I think about this, I am in such turmoil because I don’t know what He wants for me. I don’t know if that is the path I am on. I only know that I am striving to follow Him. I only know that He is leading me, and wherever He leads, I will follow. I will trust Him.
I know it is not easy. My own feelings right now, and the troubles around me are easy proof of that. But He never said it would be easy. He has set me apart (Psalm 4:3). He hears when I call. He directs my path (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I wonder.
I wonder where He is leading me.
And I will try not to be anxious in anything.
And I try to just trust the Lord my God.
It makes me wonder: I have thought about missions. Before my current job I was looking into missions organizations, trying to discern if that was the way God was leading me. Missions has been something that has been on my heart in many ways for quite a long time - since high school, actually. I have an aunt who was a missionary in Germany for a long time. I think that may have started it. I have never been on a missions trip for various reasons: lack of money, fear, bad timing, a plethora of others. And yet, I have often wondered (sometimes more than others) if God wants me to be a missionary somewhere other than here, where I am 'comfortable'. But the door has never opened. At least not yet.
And I find myself wondering, as I read the prayer requests and pray for my friends' family, would I be able to hold on to God and remain faithful if it was me? Would I be willing to admit that maybe God gave me a precious little girl for only a week of her (and my) life? Would I be able to love her the way they did? Would I be able to continue His work while dealing with such a devastating blow? How would I react? What would I do? Would I be able to trust Him wholly still? Would I be able to look forward to what He would do?
When I think these things, it scares me. I don’t want to doubt Him. But even more, I don’t want fear to be the reason I don’t obey. There is a very minimal possibility that I may have a chance to go on a missions trip myself before very long. The very idea terrifies me. But it excites me as well. I want to be abandoned to God. Wholly and completely. I want to be sold out to Him. And that is a terrifying, exciting, crazy thing.
And as I think about this, I am in such turmoil because I don’t know what He wants for me. I don’t know if that is the path I am on. I only know that I am striving to follow Him. I only know that He is leading me, and wherever He leads, I will follow. I will trust Him.
I know it is not easy. My own feelings right now, and the troubles around me are easy proof of that. But He never said it would be easy. He has set me apart (Psalm 4:3). He hears when I call. He directs my path (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I wonder.
I wonder where He is leading me.
And I will try not to be anxious in anything.
And I try to just trust the Lord my God.
Not fair
I am sitting in my house tonight wondering why.
Why I am so discouraged. Why I feel so lonely. Why I am so tired and can't seem to catch up.
I am wondering why such special people who are serving God faithfully in Uganda are suffering such a loss right now. On top of losing their precious daughter, they are sick, along with both of their boys, and their 3-year-old has a broken collarbone, and are worried about thieves in their neighborhood.
When I think about them, and their mission and ministry, I know that at least part of what is happening (and perhaps the whole) is an attack by Satan. I have been praying since last week when prayer requests started appearing regularly from Matt on Facebook for Jerusalem's health.
My concerns are paltry. I am not dealing with any kind of loss, especially not one so hard as losing a loved one or a child. I don't worry about thieves on a daily basis. I am wondering why I feel the way I do when I know that I am extremely blessed, relatively healthy, and fairly well-off compared to others. I have a job which supports me and is actually helping me get out of the bit of debt (school loans) that I am in. I have no reason to be feeling as down as I do.
My heart feels like it is breaking for Matt & Crystal. They are so willing to be used by God; why would He allow them to be hurting this way? I don't know why. I suppose Job's friends (and maybe even Job himself) were asking these same questions. I refuse to doubt His plan. I refuse to fall into the trap Satan has laid out. I will not go against God. I may not know the reason He allowed these things to happen, but I know He is faithful. I know He is strong. I know He is comforting and strengthening them even as I type this. When I run out of words as I pray, He hears my heart.
I am wondering why I feel so much for Matt & Crystal. I had some classes with Matt in college, and knew Crystal mostly by name and face. I think we may have had a total of 2 less-than-2-minute conversations in 4 years there. However, I have been praying for their ministry since they started got to Africa in 2006. I don't know how many people are praying and supporting them, but I feel a connection to them - even if it is only because we serve the same amazing God, and that their mission & vision touch many of the same chords that seem to be lodged in my heart.
And still, I feel the things I am worrying about - my discouragement, my loneliness, my inability to stop feeling overwhelmed. And I feel guilty for feeling that way when friends are suffering so much more. Which adds to my worry...which adds to my guilt...which adds to my discouragement...
It's all just so extremely not fair.
Why I am so discouraged. Why I feel so lonely. Why I am so tired and can't seem to catch up.
I am wondering why such special people who are serving God faithfully in Uganda are suffering such a loss right now. On top of losing their precious daughter, they are sick, along with both of their boys, and their 3-year-old has a broken collarbone, and are worried about thieves in their neighborhood.
When I think about them, and their mission and ministry, I know that at least part of what is happening (and perhaps the whole) is an attack by Satan. I have been praying since last week when prayer requests started appearing regularly from Matt on Facebook for Jerusalem's health.
My concerns are paltry. I am not dealing with any kind of loss, especially not one so hard as losing a loved one or a child. I don't worry about thieves on a daily basis. I am wondering why I feel the way I do when I know that I am extremely blessed, relatively healthy, and fairly well-off compared to others. I have a job which supports me and is actually helping me get out of the bit of debt (school loans) that I am in. I have no reason to be feeling as down as I do.
My heart feels like it is breaking for Matt & Crystal. They are so willing to be used by God; why would He allow them to be hurting this way? I don't know why. I suppose Job's friends (and maybe even Job himself) were asking these same questions. I refuse to doubt His plan. I refuse to fall into the trap Satan has laid out. I will not go against God. I may not know the reason He allowed these things to happen, but I know He is faithful. I know He is strong. I know He is comforting and strengthening them even as I type this. When I run out of words as I pray, He hears my heart.
I am wondering why I feel so much for Matt & Crystal. I had some classes with Matt in college, and knew Crystal mostly by name and face. I think we may have had a total of 2 less-than-2-minute conversations in 4 years there. However, I have been praying for their ministry since they started got to Africa in 2006. I don't know how many people are praying and supporting them, but I feel a connection to them - even if it is only because we serve the same amazing God, and that their mission & vision touch many of the same chords that seem to be lodged in my heart.
And still, I feel the things I am worrying about - my discouragement, my loneliness, my inability to stop feeling overwhelmed. And I feel guilty for feeling that way when friends are suffering so much more. Which adds to my worry...which adds to my guilt...which adds to my discouragement...
It's all just so extremely not fair.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Overwhelmed
That is the general explanation of how I have felt today. I won't trouble you with the details, but I just wanted to take a second to try to encourage: you as well as myself.
Today I saw a friend had written something about the fresh perspective you get with the dawn of a new day...and then the comment that he needed a new day every 2 hours. When I shared this with another friend of mine, she remarked that she could use a new day about every 20 minutes. By the middle of my day, I would have said I could use a new day every 30 seconds or so.
Needless to say, it was a little rough, and I was overwhelmed.
Thankfully, I have some great friends/prayer warriors. They lifted me (and the situation) up to the Lord all day. They gave me words of advice and encouragement - some were easy to hear, some were hard. But I know that's what has gotten me through.
I know that I will face challenges even as I head home this evening. I know that when I come into my "fresh perspective" in the morning, it could very easily get tainted. But, since I know this is possible, and since I am thinking about it, I have a new goal tomorrow: Prayer. Constant prayer on my part. I didn't do too much of it today - at least not as much as I should have. Tomorrow I will pray. Tomorrow I will strive to keep my attitude in check. Tomorrow, I will accomplish what needs to get done without so much stress as today. And hopefully, tomorrow, my day will be better. That is my challenge to myself, and to you if you need it.
Tomorrow, I will check in and let you know how I did.
Today I saw a friend had written something about the fresh perspective you get with the dawn of a new day...and then the comment that he needed a new day every 2 hours. When I shared this with another friend of mine, she remarked that she could use a new day about every 20 minutes. By the middle of my day, I would have said I could use a new day every 30 seconds or so.
Needless to say, it was a little rough, and I was overwhelmed.
Thankfully, I have some great friends/prayer warriors. They lifted me (and the situation) up to the Lord all day. They gave me words of advice and encouragement - some were easy to hear, some were hard. But I know that's what has gotten me through.
I know that I will face challenges even as I head home this evening. I know that when I come into my "fresh perspective" in the morning, it could very easily get tainted. But, since I know this is possible, and since I am thinking about it, I have a new goal tomorrow: Prayer. Constant prayer on my part. I didn't do too much of it today - at least not as much as I should have. Tomorrow I will pray. Tomorrow I will strive to keep my attitude in check. Tomorrow, I will accomplish what needs to get done without so much stress as today. And hopefully, tomorrow, my day will be better. That is my challenge to myself, and to you if you need it.
Tomorrow, I will check in and let you know how I did.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Encouraging
So, as my last post could be perceived as negative, and I'm sorta having a rough day (still), I've decided to post some of the items that are scattered around my desk at work, which are supposed to help me be encouraged, and remember why I do what I do.
Some are verses, some are quotes, some are poems, some are thoughts...
Here it goes:
"But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, & the One Who lifts my head." Psalm 3:3
"Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love." 1 Corinthians 16: 13-14
If you remove the idea of God [i.e. there is no God] there is no reason to live.
(a monk in ... I can't remember where...Germany or Austria, maybe?)
If someone really knows God, there is no reason for disquiet.
(same blind monk.)
peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. (unknown)
"Be still and know that He is God." Psalm 46:10 ("my" verse from my mom)
I follow a leadership blog from a former teacher/coach of mine (read it here) and there is a post about the magic of leading that I have printed and stuck on my bulletin board because it encourages and inspires me as I work through each day and circumstance.
I find encouragement that at work, every so often, people just drop absolutely everything in the middle of crazy times just to pray over someone or something that is going on. It is truly great to work with other believers. However, as I have not always had this in my life, I learned what it really means to pray without ceasing. I often find myself talking to God in my head (or even out loud) about whatever is in there.
every situation: good or bad. funny or sad. hard or easy. scary or just because. Trust me, talking to God "all the time" is easier than it sounds, and it helps you to realize that He really is there all the time with you. I leave you for now with one question to ask yourself constantly. I have it written in a place that I see everytime I leave or enter my desk area (which happens quite often in the course of a day).
Are you following His plan?
It's the best one there is.
Some are verses, some are quotes, some are poems, some are thoughts...
Here it goes:
"But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, & the One Who lifts my head." Psalm 3:3
"Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love." 1 Corinthians 16: 13-14
If you remove the idea of God [i.e. there is no God] there is no reason to live.
(a monk in ... I can't remember where...Germany or Austria, maybe?)
If someone really knows God, there is no reason for disquiet.
(same blind monk.)
peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. (unknown)
"Be still and know that He is God." Psalm 46:10 ("my" verse from my mom)
I follow a leadership blog from a former teacher/coach of mine (read it here) and there is a post about the magic of leading that I have printed and stuck on my bulletin board because it encourages and inspires me as I work through each day and circumstance.
I find encouragement that at work, every so often, people just drop absolutely everything in the middle of crazy times just to pray over someone or something that is going on. It is truly great to work with other believers. However, as I have not always had this in my life, I learned what it really means to pray without ceasing. I often find myself talking to God in my head (or even out loud) about whatever is in there.
every situation: good or bad. funny or sad. hard or easy. scary or just because. Trust me, talking to God "all the time" is easier than it sounds, and it helps you to realize that He really is there all the time with you. I leave you for now with one question to ask yourself constantly. I have it written in a place that I see everytime I leave or enter my desk area (which happens quite often in the course of a day).
Are you following His plan?
It's the best one there is.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Hope
or the lack thereof.
This will be very short, I promise.
Just wanted to state that there are some days where I lose hope. I feel utterly hopeless. It will never end, it will end too soon, it won't happen right, it can't be done, I'm not good enough to do it well, or maybe at all. I fear so many dumb things but no matter how much I tell myself they are dumb, I can't seem to shake the hopelessness. I know others feel this way as well, and thus, I know I'm not as alone as I feel. (You should take this as a good thing, because when you feel this way, now you know that you are not alone either.)
All I can think to do is pray. So...
...pray I shall...
This will be very short, I promise.
Just wanted to state that there are some days where I lose hope. I feel utterly hopeless. It will never end, it will end too soon, it won't happen right, it can't be done, I'm not good enough to do it well, or maybe at all. I fear so many dumb things but no matter how much I tell myself they are dumb, I can't seem to shake the hopelessness. I know others feel this way as well, and thus, I know I'm not as alone as I feel. (You should take this as a good thing, because when you feel this way, now you know that you are not alone either.)
All I can think to do is pray. So...
...pray I shall...
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