My Crazy Life

Time for an update? I think so. I can’t really believe I haven’t written since December! The past 3 months have been a little crazy in my little life. Since Easter (April 4 & 5), I worked my last week at The Compass, moved to Minneapolis, started my new job at the Evangelical Free Church of America, finished unpacking and organizing (except for the books and movies – they’re shelved, but that’s it) and got my new driver’s license, and am getting a new car next week (hopefully – and that isn’t partially broken!). That’s a lot.  I still haven’t settled on a new “home church” but am close. I miss friends, family, belonging. Some mornings I wake up, walk into my living room and think, I’m in Minnesota. Woah. I still can’t completely believe it. My beloved cabin is only 1.5-2 hours away now instead of 8. Yes, I am a lucky girl.

Next up: finish getting a car and... get a library card! ;)

Ok, so I bet you’re wondering how this all came about. Well, for the past couple years I have felt restless – I have prayed for clarity, peace, calm, and many of you have prayed with me. Several months ago, on a very bad day, I decided (thanks to prompting from my mom) to just see if there might be something to apply for at the EFCA in Minneapolis. There wasn’t, but there was a “give us your email and we’ll let you know if anything opens up” box – which I completed. I didn’t really think about it again after a day or so, partly because I was pretty sure if I ever did hear from them that it would be something for which I wasn’t qualified. 

Fast forward to March 12th. I received an email notification for an administrative job – a perfect fit. I was shocked. I prayed, and since I was at work, decided to ignore it until after our big event on Saturday morning. I could NOT stop thinking about it. I asked God to get it out of my mind until Saturday unless He wanted me to do something sooner. I couldn’t get it out of my mind! So, Friday morning before I went in for an extra day of work to prepare for the event, I completed the application. Friday afternoon while I ate a late lunch I saw that I had an email response – a form letter asking for completion of a few more questions, which I did. The event on Saturday went well, I worked Sunday too since one of my coworkers was sick and two others were out of town, and Sunday afternoon I crashed.

Monday MORNING I received a phone call asking if I could interview that week. I did a Skype interview that Friday, at the end of which I was told I’d be sent some assessments on Monday. I actually received the first one that afternoon, which I completed. On Monday morning (now we’re at Monday, the 23rd) I got the other assessments, which I did that night right after work. Tuesday around 11a, they called to ask for a second interview. I let my boss know what was going on and she gave me her blessing to follow God’s apparent leading, and that she’d be praying. That Friday, March 27th, I was in Minneapolis for my first in person (but second) interview. It went very well, and I felt like I was already joining the team. I had to remind myself all the way home that it was not for sure, but even my brother was lamenting already how unfair it was that I’d be moving only a couple hours from our lake. ;) I told him it wasn’t for sure, we didn’t really know that, and he confidently said, “Yeah, but you’re moving to Minnesota.” It made me smile. I had been told I’d hear by the end of the week – likely nearer the end.

In the meantime, Trinity International University (my alma mater) had called me for an interview for a position I’d applied for about a week prior to the EFCA job due to the urging of a friend and more prayer. It was something I thought I could do, but I didn’t know if it would really work, or even if it was the right idea. My interview was to be Tuesday, the 31st, so I stayed with my friend Alicia on campus from Saturday night through Monday. Monday I worked from a desk near her office. At 8:30a I got texts from 2 of my references saying they’d just talked to the EFCA. WOAH. By 10a I had a job offer, which I accepted via phone – and would accept officially via email a few hours later. It had been two weeks and two days since I’d HEARD about the opportunity.

Clearly, very clearly, this was God’s plan. I cancelled my interview with Trinity, called my parents and told my closest friends, and my boss – who were all excited for me. Tuesday first thing I submitted my notice. The week following Easter was my last. It was a good place to be and I learned a lot, and I love people there, but I cannot explain the peace that exists when you are living in God’s plan – it has been chaotic and crazy and fast, but it has been good.

I have learned a ton in my first two months here. I have made connections with people here, and some of them are becoming friends. I look forward to settling into a church (which is hard in the land of 10,000 lakes during the summer) and getting into a small group. My apartment feels like home, though it will more so once a few friends have been there, which is happening soon as friends from Illinois come to visit. I will also feel more settled once I reorganize (properly) my book and movie shelves and get a library card so I can get … more books!

Thanks to all of you who have prayed, all of you who have been patiently waiting for the details of this update, and those of you who have listened lovingly and kindly to the moments when I’m freaking out (DMVs and driver’s knowledge tests are STRESSFUL)! God has blessed me richly, and most of it is because of you. God is good, and my story is proof!

I promise it won’t be as long again before I write… at least, I hope not! Until then...

Five Years

Today. Today, five years ago, I started work at The Compass Church (which was then known as EFCN). It has not necessarily been an easy 5 years, but I would say they have been good overall.

In that time I have deepened friendships that were just beginning, as well as made some even in the past 7-8 months that I never saw coming (isn't God good?). I have learned a lot - about myself, about my faith, about my stubbornness (or perhaps diligence), about my job and my abilities. I have some regrets, of course, but often those things I neglected or mistook or screwed up have been the motivation that has pushed me onward and upward.

I have gotten excited too about what I can imagine for the future. Some of these things seem so far out of reach, or out of my "zone of ability" (whatever that is). Others just seem like the type of thing you daydream about but never actually have the time or money to do (travel, film and edit things, etc.). But some of these things seem... within reach. Sort of.

I mean, there are many obstacles no matter what we do in life. When I started my job, I hoped I'd still be there, still like it in 5 years, but I honestly just wasn't sure. Now that I've reached that milestone, I have no idea what the next 5 will hold. I may still be here, doing what I'm doing, making what tiny difference I can with what I've been given. I may live somewhere else. I may not know any of my close friends in the same way anymore (woah, just got a bit depressing, let's move it along quickly, ok?) and I may have a few (or many) new ones I've yet to meet. But I see possibilities, and that's exciting.

While today is a milestone of sorts, and one I haven't crossed before, it is also just another day. Another day in the life God has given me to use my gifts to the best of my ability to glorify Him. And in the end, that's the whole point to anything I ever do. The future, whatever it holds, can come as it may.

Maybe

Maybe is a powerful word.

There are so many possibilities in "maybe."
Possibilities for success, for failure, for something new, for no change at all. Possibilities for new relationships to be made, new skills to be learned, new experiences, new places to see. There are (of course) also many unknowns.

Maybe is not a decision. Maybe is the in-between your "yes" or "no." Maybe is the gray area. Maybe is your thought process; or your procrastination.

There may be a change coming in my life. Oh, who am I kidding? Change is happening all around. There are changes at work, changes at home, changes in relationships, changes in plans; this is nothing new.

But some changes are larger and newer and more unknown than others. That is the kind that "may be" coming my way. It is simultaneously exciting and terrifying, but I figure that's how I know I'm within God's will. If it was too easy, or too hard, I'd be outside those bounds - and that's never a good place to be.

I can't give any details, of course, because the "maybe" is still too large, too unknown, too... "may be." Just knowing it's a possibility though, (and likely one that will encompass all the variety of ways a "maybe" can come to fruition) has me on the edge of my seat, waiting - impatiently - to see what God will do next.

Wondering is the beginning...

Today, as I sat in my office, I found myself wondering something: how could I feel so restless right now, in this time in my life? I am self-supported, doing well at work (today held a few instances that were definitely good), I have friends who care about me (& whether I drop off the face of the earth or not), and I am in relatively good health. Thus, my restless, anxious feeling - which I just cannot shake - begs the question: why??

Now, I readily admit that the good things at work today were not at all my own claim entirely. There were MANY people without whom, I could never have accomplished what I did. However, I did have a large part in it, and much of the responsibility was mine. And, I did well. Despite all this, and the positive comments that were made to me and about me, I still felt like I'd rather crawl into a dark hole and hide for awhile. I think I was fairly pleasant to those with whom I had interaction, and even can recall a few laughs throughout the day. Why then is there this restless, uncomfortable feeling?

I can only guess what is going on here. Either God is trying to teach me something, to prepare me for something in the future; or the devil is trying to disrupt everything and get in the way of me doing the best I can for my Lord. I'm pretty much hoping it's the first option (wouldn't you?).

SO, as I type this out, I see that I am no closer to knowing "why" than I was at 9:00 this morning, but I do know one thing: God is bigger than the boogie man, and He will win this battle I am fighting. That is the only way I have hope for tomorrow. And because of Him, I can rest easy, put my restlessness aside for the night, and have faith that He will show me the way...

...in His time.

And I want to wake up "kicking and screaming", and lift my eyes to Him, and no one else.