On Love

Well. Clearly I don't have enough time on my hands. I can hardly believe it's been almost 6 months since I wrote something here. Oops. Ah, well. Here we are again.

When I look back at my last post, its a little weird to realize that I am wrestling with much of the same. Since then I have moved to a new (and thankfully cheaper) apartment and I love it. The space is laid out in a way I like much better, and I have far more storage. Plus, it's not too much further from work (only about 10 minutes more), so that's nice too.

Things at my current job continue much as they have, though the promise of change (wahoo) has been presented (multiple times) and yet still with very little clarity on what it will actually look like or what effects it will have on specific departments and/or people.

I promise this has to do with love. Stay with me.

Because of those things mulling around and making me wonder if I'm doing what I ought to be doing, the following conversation shocked me a bit. Partly because I've been wondering lately (read: in the last year or so) if it is what I should be doing somehow, and partly because I cannot shake the desire I have to care for little people.

I had a conversation with my youngest brother about a month ago, in which we ended up somehow on the "what would you do if you had a million dollars" question. My go-to response is always: pay off my debts, pay off debts of my family (parents, brothers, etc.), help make my family stable, then see what I can do next (likely help someone somehow). Maybe buy a house. His response to me was something along the lines of "Oh. Yeah, I get that. But I think if you had a million dollars you'd start an orphanage."

It floored me. I have no idea how much I've said to him that I'd want to work with/care for orphans. (To be fair, I have an El Ed degree and have always loved kids but something as specific as an orphanage, well, I'm not sure how much we've talked about that... if ever.)  But he knew it to the point that it was what he expected me to do first with an overabundance. I said, "Well, yeah, that makes sense. I sort of have always wanted to do something like that. I love kids, and those kids need it most." He told me that that's exactly what he was thinking: my love of kids and my experience through a teaching degree, coupled with my administrative skill set and experience, running an orphanage seemed like the perfect thing.

Now, don't get me wrong. There is MUCH I don't know about running any type of business or anything in general much less an orphanage where you have to keep people alive and well and not neglected or starving (though plenty of places do just the opposite and are somehow still in business). But it struck a chord.

Today I saw an article posted by a friend's mom that talked about how many kids are literally dying - yes, you read that right: DYING - in orphanages today. Some because of disabilities so that the kids aren't seen as valuable enough to spend time caring for, some because of being grossly understaffed, some just because the convenience of a liquid diet and a cage are easier and keep your numbers of "cared for" up - sometimes because there seems to be no better way, and sometimes because they don't care. Why they work there/run the place boggles my mind. If you don't love children/orphans, WHY are you working in an orphanage??

The article was written by someone who had helped/visited/worked somewhere overseas and seen these terrible situations and couldn't get the kids who are dying out of her mind. She and her husband adopted a little boy from one of these places, and in just 6 months, of really loving and caring for him, he is SO MUCH BETTER. He has a disability (or maybe disabilities) that he will always live with that were present from birth, but he is not skin-and-bones - he is smiling; he is not banging his head against the bars of his crib (at 4 years old) - he is loved. She asks people to think seriously about adoption and what they can do - if not adopt themselves, donate to a family who is trying to bring their child home.

I don't know what to do with this, except to get it out, and to keep praying. I can donate, of course, and there are many places and ways to do so. Child sponsorship is another avenue.

So. If you have at least a million dollars to give away, and a heart for hurting kids, and want to donate to my cause... you know how to get a hold of me, right?

Seriously, though, be praying - not for me (or, not just for me), but for those kids. They need every prayer they can get. Love them through prayer if you can't do anything else. It matters, and it's powerful. Then, do what else you can.

Rest & Joy

Found out today that one of the guys i'm praying for is doing better. respirator is out & he recognized his dad & could even give his (dad's) name. praise God!!! AND another friend prayed for the first time because she cares so much about this guy. God is at work!

also, i was given a few hours off this afternoon and properly squandered them away...it was good to focus on nothing for a bit. then i headed over to a couple of friends' house to watch their kids & the kids of their friend as well. so adorable. the new little guy i met wanted to show me everything & have "miss kara" follow him everywhere. i received tons of hugs and love and had fun watching the four of them dancing to the christmas music from a light-up house, and pretend to play the guitar with it. hilarious. and joyful. i love kids. and these are some of my favorites.

thanks to God for rest healing and joy today.

and to you for reading.

(i'm so dedicated to you/this i wrote it out of my droid! ;) oh, the joys of portable technology...)

While waiting for Christmas to arrive...

I hung out with my youngest brother and his fabulous girlfriend yesterday. And by the time we'd been together for, oh, I don't know, about 25 minutes, I already had a wealth of great quotes. So, here to amuse you (hopefully) as it amused me, are the quotes I just couldn't let die:

- High five, right pinky toe! - R
- I don't trust your game. - R
- Pretend you're a pirate leaning on somthing. - S
- Oh, come on! That's like one of the all-time quotes-best. - S
- Rah-darn?? - R
- They had milk cartons and everything. - R

Then we went upstairs, where my mom was listening to a cassette tape (yes, not video, audio) from Christmases when my brothers & I were little (think 1987 - 1990). Meaning that the first one she was listening to, I was about 5, D was 3, and S was 7 months old. Again, quotes I couldn't help remembering, including one interjection as we listened:

- Carebear chopstick!! (chapstick) - K, age 5
- Mom: Do you know what that is, D?
D, age 3: (very excited) No!!
- Processing... - S, now
Face loading... - R, now
- Well whaddya know! - K, age 5
- and then more of 'em came singing glory to God - D, age 4
- My name is 2!! - S, age 2

OH, the joys of children. Especially children (young or old) at Christmas. ;)

The challenge took an interesting twist

When I left work today, I was pretty sure I'd failed the challenge completely. My post at 11:30 (or whatever) this morning got me back on track, and I continued to listen to my music during the duration of the afternoon, but I just kept getting bogged down by frustrations, and too much to do in the time I have left in the week. I'm sure you noticed from my late-afternoon-post.

Plus, I had told a friend I'd babysit for her tonight, and as they are moving soon (out of state) I wanted to go; not only for the reason of helping her and her husband have a night out, but to see them once more before they leave. It doesn't hurt that I've watched their son since he was only a few months old (now he's about a year and a half), and love him so much I will really miss him as much as I'll miss his mom. As the day went on, all I could think was "Ugh, I have to go babysit after this." But honestly, I could use the extra cash it will provide, AND I really don't know when I'll get to see them if it isn't today. "I should go." So, I left work, stopped by my house for a book to read after he went to bed, and headed over to their house. I only talked to her for a moment, and mainly about the basics for the evening. (I know that when they come home we'll have a good little chat.)

When I got to the house, the little guy was pretty sad. He cried when he realized Mommy & Daddy were gone, and it was just him & me for the night. But, as I sat in the chair hugging him, trying to calm him down, he put his sad little head on my shoulder and hugged me back. He stopped crying pretty quickly and we just cuddled for a few minutes. Then he was happy and smiling (as usual) and we spent the rest of the evening playing and having fun together (he loves his baths!) which was a very nice change of pace for me.

After bath time, he gets put down for bed. I picked him up and told him goodnight, and hugged him a little. Immediately, he hugged me back and leaned his head on my shoulder to cuddle. This was unusual. Almost every time I babysit in the past, oh, probably 6-9 months, he is ready for bed - no cuddling needed or wanted. He actually reaches toward his crib as soon as I pick him up. So the hugs and cuddles were unexpected and very sweet. And, as I stood there hugging him back, it dawned on me: this is a very good, positive, happy way to end a day; with a child hugging you, and loving on you a little. It was especially nice for me as (obviously) I don't get that very often.

I prayed over him standing there, and then put him in his crib, said goodnight again, and headed down to read my book. As I picked it up, I realized that my attempt to take the challenge did not end up how I expected it to, but I did reach my goal. I started and ended my day with a positive attitude. I prayed ALOT throughout the day. When I realized this, I just had to share it with you. I (and only with God's help) reached my goal today.

I'll be praying even more tonight and tomorrow.
And with God's help, tomorrow will be even better.

Crazy

can be Awesome.

God has shown me that through this past few weeks. I have been working strange and long hours, I have been so tired I don't know what's keeping me going, I have craved diet coke (which my friends do, but I do not, although I do enjoy it). These types of things should drive a person crazy, but instead, I have felt blessed. And I have seen many others blessed because of what is going on in my church.

This weekend consists of:

• Good Friday services (2)
• Easter ExploXion (Egg Hunt & more)
• Easter Eve services (2)
• Easter Morning services (3)

I don't have a ton of time to write (tons still going on), but I felt the need to just jot these things down.

God can use the crazy - if you let Him. He turns good attitudes in a crazy time into a wonderful witness. It encourages people you didn't even know needed encouragement. He lets you see the kids with huge smiles on their faces. He lets you hear their parents talking about what a great thing it is for their families.

We had 2 services for Good Friday, and God provided workers. He provided kids for how many crafts we had prepared so we weren't wasteful. He provided stands for banners in the nick of time this morning. He provided people to volunteer at all the stations that we needed this morning. He provided patience as people waited in lines for egg hunts, obstacle courses, cookie decorating, and petting zoos. He is providing people to blow up balloons, as well as to hand them out to the kids that come, both tonight and tomorrow morning. He is providing people to watch and teach children tonight and tomorrow.

I am excited to see what else He will do tonight and tomorrow as young and old are presented with the opportunity to walk through the door and accept Christ into their lives.

I know that the impact this weekend will be huge.
Thank you, Lord!!