Excess & Minimalism

(fair warning, this is one of those "longer than I expected" posts.)

I have been fascinated by minimalism for about 3 years now. Fascinated, but not committed. If you were to ask me how much I have minimized my life in those 3 years, I'd readily admit that I have a very long way to go. I have taken a couple of steps, but no more. Yet (or so I keep telling myself).

But if you ask me what my plan is to make those couple of steps into more and more, I don't have a solid answer. And when I realize that, I feel guilty, because I know I am very comfortable, despite the things I'd still like to have in my life. This applies both to relationships, job and life aspirations, and actual tangible "things."I don't know that I'd say I live in excess... but I certainly don't live a minimal life, and just knowing that I don't quantify myself as "in excess" probably means that's exactly where I am.

The new small group I'm in with some friends is reading a book on "...mutiny against excess." (7, by Jen Hatmaker). Talk about timing. I just finished a group focused on keeping goals and striving to live better. Throughout those 3 months of our goal keeping challenges, one of the girls shared many pertinent articles from a blog I've come across a few times in the past years: Becoming Minimalist. The author has a family, so sometimes it's how to do family life minimalistically, and sometimes it's for you as an individual (which of course has ripples for those around you). It has been a good jumping off point for many thoughts and discoveries these past few months.

I have only started the introduction to 7. Already, I can tell it will make me think very thoroughly about what I believe ,and what God is saying to me. It has already challenged me to make sure I'm not just sitting back and thinking about these things, but rather making changes to glorify the God I say I serve.

In the intro, Jen mentions that most of us in the US are super rich, especially when compared to people almost anywhere else in the world. The majority of the people on this planet live for $2 per DAY, and we here complain that we don't have enough, and pray for more. She states that if you make 35k per year, you are in the top 4% in the world. Woah.

Now, I hear my defenses rear up immediately... "I make less than that! At least I'm not in that top percent...oh. Wait." Though I make less, I'm still in the top 10%, I bet (I haven't actually checked). I know I'm in the top 50%, and am likely in the top 80% or more. $2 per day?! It's unfathomable in so many ways.

Of course, I also hear my defenses saying, "yeah, but things are more expensive here than in a lot of those places... so if you right-size I bet it's not as horrible in statistics." Seriously, girl? Knock it off. You live in the richest, safest country in the world. Shut up.

I strive to live with what I need, and not much more, but I KNOW I have more books than I need (it pains me to say that. I love books). I have movies, tv shows on dvd. I have plenty of clothes - and not just an outfit or two to rotate and wash. I have a surplus of blankets, toiletries, towels, even. And that's just the beginning.

While I don't think it wise to swallow anything we read without thinking about it and processing it, even if it's from people we know and/or trust, I think it worth saying that we must must MUST not write things off either; even if it's written by people we're not sure about or don't trust. I have a few friends who have read this book and have been challenged and changed by its contents. I don't know what that will look like for me, but to be only a few pages in and be compelled and challenged enough to write about it bodes well, I think. I don't know that I'll ever be truly a minimalist in the most specific sense, but I do think there are many practices and philosophies that line up well with what God calls us to be.

I don't know how often I'll write about it, but you can bet I'll be thinking much over the next several weeks (and beyond). Here's hoping the challenges don't paralyze me, but rather motivate me to action, and to positive change.

Books and Lists

I have been in love with books for my entire life (thanks Mom & Dad). 

In 2010, on recommendation from a friend, I decided to join Goodreads. I was thrilled to find that it was, as she described, a site that is one (small) part social, one part lists and list making, and one part sharing the love of reading and books. In 2011 I began tracking my reading, and have been doing so off and on ever since. I love being able to see when I last read a book - and knowing that it is, indeed, time to pick it up again.

I added books to my "read" list only if it was current enough that I could give you several more details than you'd want on the plot and the characters. Otherwise, I'd add it to "to read" and give it a rating based on what I did remember (if anything). There are several I've read since that I simply haven't kept track of on there.

One of the things I love is going through my friends' lists, and the other lists Goodreads has made available such as books-turned-into-movies, and so forth. There are online book clubs, discussion groups, honest reviews (mostly - much better than most sites including Barnes & Noble and Amazon). Many books have been added to my "to read" list from browsing others. When I am finding myself running out of things to read, or bored with what I have on my shelves at home, I can easily look at my "to read" list and get them at the library (or put a hold on them to pick up when they're back in). It is a wonderous thing. :)

I have also been in love with lists since before I can remember. 

I think it has to do with school and liking organization. Anyway.

In light of this, I thought it would be fun (if for no one else, that's ok) to have some lists of books I've read on this blog. So today I spent some time putting pages on this blog starting in 2011 that have the lists of books I know I read each year according to my Goodreads profile. Last year I tracked pretty good, and this year I've started to keep better track. I'm excited to see how many books I'll read this year - and how many will be repeats and how many new gems I'll discover.

One note I feel I must make: the yearly lists don't say if I like these books or not - you can check what rating I gave them on Goodreads if you like. Also, a friendly reminder that just because I like it doesn't mean you will (of course)! 

Join me on the journey - and if you read something, let me know! I'm always looking for more titles.

The Doctor & Captain Bluebear

I have been reading "The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear" (which I discovered thanks to a recommendation by an Australian YouTuber and his list of favorite novels). There's a part in the middle of the story where the Bluebear has an affect on something that happened in his past by what he does in his present (the future). Suddenly, the author is explaining to the reader (directly) about how this is possible and why it can happen and that it doesn't make sense "but there it is".

I realized that it bothered me not because it was confusion, but because i couldn't understand a need for the explanation. Clearly I've watched a ton of Doctor Who; this type of thing is a common occurrence in several story lines, and among many characters. Particularly, I recall a recent episode (vague spoiler alert, skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to be spoiled or let down from vagueness) when the Doctor does something simply because he knows he did it since he saw the results in the past even though he's using the past experience to tell him what to do in his present (the future from the past) so he can still succeed in the same way in the past and get to the future where he can do those things to help himself (and others) in the past (and in the future). It's a bit of a crazy circle, huh?

But, I'm long past the confusion, it makes perfect sense now (yeah right, but I've given in - it's too confusing otherwise (and anyway) so you have to or quit watching, which just isn't an option). I love that crazy show. So much.

Woah. It's almost May.

I meant to blog more frequently. Honest, I did. When I realized I'd missed most of March, I thought I'd make up for it (or at least get back on track) in April. But it's officially the 26th, so I guess I missed that boat by a long shot. I suppose this will be a bit rambling, as I should really be sleeping by now. I apologize now so you can't complain later (not that you ever do).

I've been working - a lot - and finding (with my roommate) the next place I will live. The place we found is not too far away - just back to the next town (city?) over. I'll live in the same place I work in for the first time in 6 (7?) years. I suppose that's a little weird for me, but not really. The drive will be similar in time, but it is a little closer, so that'll be nice for the wallet. Let's hope.

I have just come through the Easter season at work, which is always busier than I remember, but also equally blessing to so many that it's worth it - even if I'm more exhausted than I care to admit. I also realized over this past weekend that I'm moving soon. As in, 3 weeks soon. And I have a lot of cleaning, packing, transferring of bills, canceling of services, etc. to do before that time comes. Thankfully, because of all that time working, I have some days off this week to help me recover... and pack.

Today I meant to do most of the cleaning around the house (before there are literally boxes everywhere), but my body had other ideas - as it does now. I slept late-ish, read, fell asleep again, got up, ate, started to clean, sat down to let the drano do it's thing, was too tired to get my butt off the couch, finally did get off the couch, continued the cleaning, realized I needed to eat, made dinner, finished cleaning the one area (for now), and have spent a chunk of my evening listening to talented people sing songs and talk about interesting things on YouTube, and attempting to start rallying people to help us move.

When it started to rain, I shut my eyes, thinking I'd be able to start drifting off, and head to bed. That was 3 hours ago.

And I'm so tired.
Here's hoping I won't fall asleep during my many meetings tomorrow...

Time to Read...

I love to read.

I think that's why I like to write... but reading is better 'cuz I can just dive in; I don't have to create the environment to dive into... ;)

That being said, I'm finding it harder and harder to find things to read - new things, and good, not junk.

Currently, I'm reading:
1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (again), by J. K. Rowling
2. The Lord of the Rings, Return of the King (again), by J. R. R Tolkein
3. The Noticer, by Andy Andrews
4. The Principle of the Path, by Andy Stanley

I have waiting on my shelf:
1. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, by Susanna Clarke
2. Simple Church, by Thom S. Rainer & Eric Geiger
3. Stay Mad for Life, by Jim Cramer (I've actually started this one, but have some re-reading to do...)
4. Sixpence House, by Paul Collins

However, I NEED MORE IDEAS!! Some of these are non-fiction (which is good, but can't always hold my attention very long in a day) and I need more - either fiction or non: encouraging or biographical or just plain fun. I don't do mysteries very well (which won't surprise you if you know me), but some are good, so they're not totally off the table.

Comment, leave suggestions, help me out! :)

This is where I'm at, folks...

it's frustrating! ;)

You know you want to click me. (<<--- there, click there!!)

tonight, a summary

rehearsal for this weekends' services, conversations with friends while driving a short-ish drive, small group composed of Christmas goodies & the reading of Christmas stories (kids picture books, to be exact), laughter, friends, farkle, conversation with my dad

win.

Parties

I have another party to go to today. And I told them I'd help with something, so I'm sort of obligated to go... and I know I'll have a blast once I'm there - good friends, old & new, good food, games, songs (Christmas carols - so classic, so fun), etc.

But right now I just wish I could put on my pj's, hop under a heavy warm blanket and read Mansfield Park and Harry Potter the rest of the day. Perhaps with a cup of hot chocolate.

Well, relationships are important, and promises are made to be kept, not broken. Bring on the fun! ;)

if i'm missing... don't be alarmed

it's because i'm typing thoughts somewhere else for a bit.
but not in another blog, no.
i have begun.
writing, that is.
if you have no idea what i'm talking about, read the last post first.

i started saturday evening. i dinked around with making a cover, coming up with a pen name that could technically link to mine, changing the cover color about 5 times; you know, the important stuff.

but i had an idea that popped into my head. so i started typing. before i realized it, i had too many ideas, and not enough congruency. don't worry. i stopped typing. i made notes to myself. i thought about characters. i thought about plot. i thought about locations, relationships, how in the world i'm gonna get this person or that person to that place - and not just on time, but ever!

on sunday afternoon, i added a paragraph, plus one line. and i changed some stuff on the cover. namely, my pen name. but that paragraph came so easily. i had opened it to re-read what i had written the day before, expecting to think it was worthless, delete it, and move on with my life. instead, things started happening, and i had to type them before they ran away.

tonight, i have realized what authors mean when they say they don't always know the entire story when they begin. i understand how a character can surprise you. for example, tonight, as i re-read the page from this weekend, and began to elaborate on the circumstances (as they presented themselves to my brain), i discovered that one of my main characters has lost both parents. i certainly didn't intend to do that. i even said to myself "really? no parents? they're gone?" out loud. (yes, out loud.) but no matter how i tried to "fix" it, i couldn't find the parents. they're gone. before i even had a chance to find them.

i am 1 1/2 pages in, complete with a cover, a title, a pen name, an author description (don't worry, it's short), and a back cover overview (do i want to read this book? i dunno, let me read the back and see what it's all about).

so far, i'm amazed. it's coming out when i think it won't. it's sort of writing itself. i know it won't always be that way. but so far, i'm liking it.

so if i'm missing from here more than i usually am, don't be alarmed. just keep your eyes pealed for a new book out soon. i may even give you hints along the way. ;)

to write or not to write

I have always wanted to write.
a book. a short story. a something.

I love (love) books.
kids' books. short stories. novellas. non-fiction (some). fiction (much). articles (of interest).
one of my favorite things to read is the smithsonian magazine - cultures, nature, opinions. interesting, always.

so, I have always had stories creating themselves in my mind. a few times I've tried to write them out. I haven't done so well with that part. it's really hard. I start second-guessing myself. I don't have an education that taught me to write. I struggled immensely in my british lit class in college - I loved the reading, but had a really tough time writing about what I'd read, what I'd discovered in reading.

I love to type. (strange, I know.)
sometimes I do typing tests just for fun.
part of the reason for this blog is so I can write, and type.
it's silly, it doesn't fulfill any purpose other than thinking, getting ideas out of my head, sharing it with the few people who care to stumble across this page from time to time.
once, I started re-typing a book I enjoyed (and still do) just to get rid of the turn of phrase that annoys me that that particular author uses in everything she writes. I never finished (it was a short enough book, but looong to type), and wouldn't have done anything with it - but it was a release. it was fun.

tonight, I found myself wishing I could write better.
maybe I should just start.
even if no one but me ever sees it.
it'll be work.
it'll be a release.
but I think it could be fun.

It's a good time for a pick-me-up

And these things did the trick:
1. conversation with a wonderful friend
2. prayers of that friend, and another, both of whom love me
3. dinner and conversation with my dad and my youngest brother (on his first night back from the uk)
4. Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (stupid, silly, wonderful
cartoon -thanks to Hulu)
5. The Smurfs (classic) (thanks to Hulu, again)
6. Little Dorrit, BBC version (always the best)
7. finishing Blue Like Jazz (hoping to anyway)
8. all of this with windows open (day 2), no air on all day
(freshness, joy)
9. the idea of a donut breakfast in the morning...

Hopefully, it'll last me through... Friday, when I get to see yet another friend, whom I've not seen since May!

Headache? Yes.
Surviving? Because God is good.

Reading Questions

Some questions I have discovered tonight:

† where is your focus when you read your Bible?

† is it always on how to improve yourself?
† do you ever think about what God is doing or what He is showing about Himself in any given passage?
† what is your reaction to the postmodern school of thought we find ourselves in?
† how are you battling/striving to show and believe the truth?

i started 2 new books tonight. well, i started one this morning (as in, read the first 3 paragraphs and got a kick in the pants), but re-read that part and really got into it tonight; along with a second:



1. In the Beginning, God,
by Marva J. Dawn









2. Deep Church,
by Jim Belcher





then, of course, i had some questions. wanted some answers. needed some clarification:
† fair description (in layman's terms) of postmodernism here.
† emerging church info here.

thus, the questions at the top of this post arrived. i don't have answers. i don't know if i'll agree with much of the books i'm reading. i don't even know if i'm asking the right questions, or enough questions; but i'm interested, my mind is going a-mile-a-minute, and i'm not sitting still, coasting on the "faith of my fathers" - this is real, this is life, this is true; and it's me, not someone else.

i believe, have no doubt about that, but i am re-thinking how i live, how i think, how i process, how i act. it's scary. there isn't a path defined for me to follow. but i know Who i'm following, and have absolute faith in Him - no matter how scary it gets.

these thoughts are pouring out of me. i think God appreciates that. i want to know Him better. i want to walk with Him on the path i've been hearing so much about - according to His will. i'm sure reading these books will conjure up many more questions. i'm sure i may be questioning things i never thought i would. but as long as i keep my focus on Him, and where He is leading me, i know (as solidly as i can - more than that, actually) that i will come out alright --

because i belong to Him.
wholly. completely.
indescribably.