Therapy, in written form

I've been reading a lot lately. I made a goal this year, not for how many books to read, but to track them. So far, I've read 25, and I'm already in the midst of 5 more. (Yay.) It has been wonderful to come home and relax with a book, and still have a sense of moving toward completing a goal!

I have not, however, been writing much - here, or anywhere else. I have about 5 "starters" in my files of novels and short stories, and even one of poems. I have shared pieces here and there over the past couple years, but short of a couple poems and 2 short stories, I haven't finished anything else. One of my dear friends has read most of what I've written, and she keeps encouraging me to finish the one she likes best - the one I've got the shortest start on! ;) I have many ideas, and while I admit that some of those starters will never be finished, and will never see the light of day, a couple of them have real promise if I can convince myself to keep working on them. Even as I type this, there are ideas filling up my mind for turning the one short story into a novel (or a novella, at least), and for moving forward in two of the other starters.

This evening, I wrote over 1300 words without pausing to think. The story (yes, a new one) just flowed out of my brain into my fingers onto the keyboard, and into the document. I am so excited about it. It has potential. It felt so good to be writing again. And honestly, I don't even care if it doesn't get finished. Oh, I have plans to continue working on it. And it even sparked the juices to write this post - once you start writing, it's hard to stop sometimes. But as I wrote, I was reminded that sometimes what we write (those of us who do) isn't so we can complete something. It's because we need to get something out - something happy, something sad, something confusing...whatever it is, it must come out in some creative way. I don't mean creative like you might think. It's not artwork - not yet. But it could be, someday. Even if its just for me.

So, today, I engaged in writing therapy. And I know I'm better tonight for it.

Missing Pieces

I've been missing... sorry about that. Let me 'splain. No. There is too much. Let me sum up:

JAMAICA

Amazing. God made some very clear comments to my heart. Not as clear as I'd like, but clear none-the-less. I had an amazing time despite sweating every moment of every day - including while I slept, ate, worked, and even showered. We're talking dripping down my back as I ate my tiny breakfast at 8 in the morning. Met amazing people who inspire me to follow God's leading and watch what happens, worked with kids who were so excited to hang on us and be loved by us that everything we did/said/showed them was an instant hit, painted, was exhausted, and bonded with some of the coolest students on the planet. Don't know when my next adventure will be, but even now thinking back on my experience there with God, I can't wait to see how He uses me next.

SUMMER DAY CAMP

The reason I never blogged about Jamaica. I came home, I rested for A day. I did enough laundry to get through the week. I worked countless hours making sure we were prepared for Day Camp. This was my life for the next 3 weeks. Oh, and prepping for the fall ministry year. Yeah, cuz there isn't too much to do for that, is there? No. Of course not, silly.

VACATION AT THE LAKE
My saving grace this summer. It was the thing I looked forward to most after Jamaica. It was my time for rest, for recovery, for revitalization. I went with my mom and spent 9 & 1/2 days walking, reading, sitting in the sun, eating junk (spoiled Americans), taking pictures of God's glorious creation, talking with my grandparents, and relaxing (what a concept). It was wonderful.

A DAY WITH THE KIDDOS

I spent my first day back from Minnesota with my brother's family - my beautiful niece, my two adorable nephews, the best sister-in-law a girl could ever hope for, and (one of) my sweet brother(s). Pictures, tickling, laughing, hugging, Elmo-and-silly-song watching joyfulness.

FALL PREP AT WORK and beyond...

Yup. It came fast, it came crazy, it came expected and yet unexpectedly busy for some reason. I have now begun as a leader with our youth group, my small group (which I am also leader of) has switched gears, and I have helped my friend get some of our church's singles events going. It's been amazing, but I have not had a free weekend since ... August 18th. I have been out of town with friends, family, other youth leaders.

Today, in the midst of the last week of September (what??? where did the time go??) I realized I hadn't written here since JULY. (#epicfail) The summary now complete, I vow to be more regular again. Last year was a sad showing. This year has been positively pitiful. Let's make it look a little better before it leaves us, shall we?

Until next time...what have you been up to since July?

"if you feel my love"

(over the past couple days i've seen this phrase a few places, and a tune has been running through my head. i have no idea what the tune is - it's probably parts of about a thousand songs that have lines like this one in them. in any case, tonight as i was humming to myself, this -bizarre- poem started to write itself. it is not intended to make sense, since it doesn't, and it is not meant to be a song or a thematic anything. it just wanted to come out.)

blue. deep blue.
stucco on my ceiling.
the soothing sound of steam
while i’m agitated. anxious.

i smell something soft and furry
it’s crazy since i have no pet,
but i do.
it's sort of calming.
the dim light of my bedside lamp
makes the atmosphere for a tired evening

“if you feel my love,”
you can come closer
but you don’t,
so you can’t.
neither can i

just lonely.
just quiet.
just peace.

despite all my words
i don’t have much to say
and none of it makes
any sense

but it’s ok.
let's just leave it be
at least tonight

This is where I'm at, folks...

it's frustrating! ;)

You know you want to click me. (<<--- there, click there!!)

It's...

...beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
...also been almost a month since i've written. oops.

Well, today is the 1st of December, and I have a new plan. You perhaps have heard of NaBloPoMo? or NaNoWriMo? I tried NaNoWriMo. I failed...in terms of writing 50,000 words in a month's time. But I won in terms of starting my book. And getting into a groove with it, to where it'll be hard to let go of, even if it takes a long time to finish. I did not try NaBloPoMo.

So... How 'bout I try BEDID (Blog Every Day In December)? Even if it's only a sentence? I'll give it a go! You can count on much being said about Christmas, snow, winter in general, Christmas music, etc. (I love Christmas, in case you didn't remember!)

Today is the 1st of December. It is also the 1st snow (at all, and that is sticking a little) in my corner of the world (which isn't really a corner...). It is the 1st day with a high below 30. And, it is the 1st day I could crack open and eat one of those cheap little chocolates from my store-bought advent calendar.

Feels like a day for 1sts and for wins. ;)

I'm a writer...

hehe. :)

Info.

Shadow of the Ocean

a short story. (here)
just in time for Halloween...

(and a product of my sleeplessness tonight/this morning...)
reading time: approx. 10 minutes

feedback in the comments!

NaNoWriMo 2010

I've decided to join the challenge this year...

What is it? Click here.
How am I doing? Click here. (Remember, it doesn't start until November 1.)

(and no, 1:42 a.m. is NOT a typo...)

I just had to...

Wanted to take a second to say:

Christmas is LESS than 2 months away!!!
Wahoo!!!

*ahem*
Writing continues, but as I'm getting NO feedback from anyone (interest or otherwise), I may never finish... This puts to test my "self-starter" and "self-motivator" skills... or lack thereof...

thoughts if you've got 'em.
and maybe someday you'll read if I write. xD

writing update!

Yikes-a-bee! 2 posts in 1 day? Is the world ending? How long's it been since that happened?? (ok, so it's almost tomorrow, but I squeaked it in!)

I need another paragraph (or two) in Chapter 1. I don't think it's long enough, but I've said about all I wanted to, and don't feel like faking it to make it what I think is "long enough." Also, I need about 15-20 (on the conservative side) more chapters. I may need as many as 25 or 30 more. But that might be a little overboard for my first novel.

In other(ish) yet related news...
Can you start chapter 2 before you finish chapter 1? (I know it's physically, mentally possible, but something about it just feels wrong, you know?)

All in all, I feel like I accomplished something tonight. I *ahem* kept moving forward. (want 10 points? tell me where that's from. want 25? tell me the original it was derived from.)

Feels good, writing. I'll be doing it some more, I think.
Oh! And don't forget to give me your feedback on this.

Writing

Remember this?

Yeah, me too.
Well, I've taken a bit of an unplanned hiatus in all things writing. This blog, for example, has been sadly mute in October. Plus, I haven't written anything new in the other thing for over 2 weeks.

I plan to end that sad streak tonight.
I still haven't decided if you get to read any of it before I "put it out there"... or ever, for that matter.

Would you be interested? Do you even want to know what it's about?
Let me know. I'd be interested in your interest.

if i'm missing... don't be alarmed

it's because i'm typing thoughts somewhere else for a bit.
but not in another blog, no.
i have begun.
writing, that is.
if you have no idea what i'm talking about, read the last post first.

i started saturday evening. i dinked around with making a cover, coming up with a pen name that could technically link to mine, changing the cover color about 5 times; you know, the important stuff.

but i had an idea that popped into my head. so i started typing. before i realized it, i had too many ideas, and not enough congruency. don't worry. i stopped typing. i made notes to myself. i thought about characters. i thought about plot. i thought about locations, relationships, how in the world i'm gonna get this person or that person to that place - and not just on time, but ever!

on sunday afternoon, i added a paragraph, plus one line. and i changed some stuff on the cover. namely, my pen name. but that paragraph came so easily. i had opened it to re-read what i had written the day before, expecting to think it was worthless, delete it, and move on with my life. instead, things started happening, and i had to type them before they ran away.

tonight, i have realized what authors mean when they say they don't always know the entire story when they begin. i understand how a character can surprise you. for example, tonight, as i re-read the page from this weekend, and began to elaborate on the circumstances (as they presented themselves to my brain), i discovered that one of my main characters has lost both parents. i certainly didn't intend to do that. i even said to myself "really? no parents? they're gone?" out loud. (yes, out loud.) but no matter how i tried to "fix" it, i couldn't find the parents. they're gone. before i even had a chance to find them.

i am 1 1/2 pages in, complete with a cover, a title, a pen name, an author description (don't worry, it's short), and a back cover overview (do i want to read this book? i dunno, let me read the back and see what it's all about).

so far, i'm amazed. it's coming out when i think it won't. it's sort of writing itself. i know it won't always be that way. but so far, i'm liking it.

so if i'm missing from here more than i usually am, don't be alarmed. just keep your eyes pealed for a new book out soon. i may even give you hints along the way. ;)

to write or not to write

I have always wanted to write.
a book. a short story. a something.

I love (love) books.
kids' books. short stories. novellas. non-fiction (some). fiction (much). articles (of interest).
one of my favorite things to read is the smithsonian magazine - cultures, nature, opinions. interesting, always.

so, I have always had stories creating themselves in my mind. a few times I've tried to write them out. I haven't done so well with that part. it's really hard. I start second-guessing myself. I don't have an education that taught me to write. I struggled immensely in my british lit class in college - I loved the reading, but had a really tough time writing about what I'd read, what I'd discovered in reading.

I love to type. (strange, I know.)
sometimes I do typing tests just for fun.
part of the reason for this blog is so I can write, and type.
it's silly, it doesn't fulfill any purpose other than thinking, getting ideas out of my head, sharing it with the few people who care to stumble across this page from time to time.
once, I started re-typing a book I enjoyed (and still do) just to get rid of the turn of phrase that annoys me that that particular author uses in everything she writes. I never finished (it was a short enough book, but looong to type), and wouldn't have done anything with it - but it was a release. it was fun.

tonight, I found myself wishing I could write better.
maybe I should just start.
even if no one but me ever sees it.
it'll be work.
it'll be a release.
but I think it could be fun.

Ideas, Blogs, Changes, & Minimalism

I have been working on re-vamping my blog (in case you hadn't noticed). I'm not done, and there are some things I'm still trying to figure out. I don't know how long it will take, and I don't know if it will even have any real effect other than making me mildly more pleased with what I do in my spare time. But there it is, and this is where we begin.

The result is this: I have been reading several blogs the past couple days as a research method for figuring out how to edit my own and make it more user friendly, more professional looking, etc. This included some for fun (and because I like how their blog is arranged), some by chance, some because I like their ideas and check in regularly to hear the newest musings, and some because they were recommended by those I trust.

I browsed around this site for awhile to see what this guy was all about. I haven't read it all yet (don't know if I will), and I haven't even fully formulated what I think of him, or whether I agree with all his ideas. Still, it's food for thought, and as I try to continually grow and become more the person I should be, I am excited to see/hear new ideas and gain insight from others. I've browsed the free sample of his e-book, and downloaded (though not yet read all of) his newest writing about starting a movement. Check out the free e-book here.

One of the most recent posts from my friend was pretty thought provoking. I have never thought about guest-posting. I don't know how I would go about that. I don't have tons of interaction with 'online friends' and most people who read this blog are friends or family that know me in 'real life'. I don't even know if I want this to get that big, that demanding of my time.

Then, because the most recent perusal has been from mr. minimalist, I was contemplating if that lifestyle was something I would ever be able to do myself. Would I be able to de-clutter my life to less than 100 things? Would I be able to support myself? What would I be willing to give up or change to see this happen? More importantly: What are my personal life goals? What does that look like if I am taking action to make them reality? Is all this thinking just that and nothing else? And if that's the case, should I knock it off and get back to work?

But it's interesting, and worth thinking about anyway. It makes me wonder if there is any way I could be good enough at this to 'accidentally' (or even purposely for that matter) earn my entire income (or even a bonus part of it) from writing online. I haven't looked into how to actually make that happen, and I don't know that I want to get there. I mean, it would be nice to have some extra money coming in because of the time I spend getting my thoughts out, and trying to bring something worthwhile to the board. However, that's not the goal here. The goal is what you're reading right now. Getting it out.

Thoughts? Reactions?
I'd appreciate your input.