Thursday, May 20, 2010

Planning to Dive In

I have felt lately that my daily (ok, ok, weekly) devotions have not been what they should be (ahem: weekly...) and that part of the problem is that I have lost interest in what I'm studying.

I've been going through the Bible with the help of a yearly journal for 2 1/2 years now. I still am learning and gaining insight. I still believe that God is using the passages to teach me what I need to learn. Lately the theme has been the same (for several we- well, months actually) and it's coming from passages I have definitely read before - so there's your proof. Plus, it's sorta cool that those lesser-read passages are becoming more and more familiar.

However. I truly think that at the moment I'm just "going through the motions" and not in a good way. I want to dive in. I want to be challenged. I want to become more of a leader. I want to have to work harder at knowing my amazing God. Right now I kinda feel like I'm just floating. I'm doing what I have to, what I know is right. And I think that's an ok place to start, even an ok place to get to sometimes; but it's NOT ok to stay there once you realize you're there.

A few ... months?... ago I started reading these two books. I was so excited about them. But life got busy, and I put them under my table in a shoulder bag and haven't looked at them since. Until this morning. I only read a few paragraphs out of Deep Church, but I am already excited to get back into it and thinking through these things again. (While looking for the post to link about these books, I found this good reminder to myself... sheesh. How quickly I forget.)

Also, as recently shared, I began reading Crazy Love. This is another good one - full of great things to think through. I am seeing God working in my head and heart already through what I'm reading and what my small group discusses as a result.

I'm planning on getting a commentary and making my own Bible study. I need something that refuses to be surface. Something that will make me think it through things I may not have noticed before. Something that requires that I don't swallow it whole as truth, but interact with it and with The Truth so I come out more like Jesus. I'm not sure what book I'll be studying yet - I'll be figuring that out tonight - but probably something written by Paul to begin. We'll see...

Life has gotten a little nuts lately and I feel like I'm lost in a very dark cave on a very narrow bridge with no light to help guide me - just faith and trust in my great God (my!). I found another quote from myself that I found looking for appropriate posts to link is this one, and it's a little crazy, cuz this is where I am (again) but I sure didn't have this direct deliberate thought in my head. I've just been thinking 'take a step forward cuz what else can I do?' which is good, but without the remembering of WHY I'm doing that, it's still too depressing.

"it's scary. there isn't a path defined for me to follow. but i know Who i'm following, and have absolute faith in Him - no matter how scary it gets."

Thank God for this reminder. And for the desire to know Him better.

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