Woah.

This has been a rough week for many many reasons. I can't even sort it all out in my head, much less here. There is a lot of (good) change going on, as well as other shifts that are a little more difficult, but necessary.

But, there have been some good things that have been very very uplifting in the process, and that has helped a lot. It doesn't fix everything, but it makes it a little more bearable. I just hope I can sleep a lot tomorrow, and maybe watch some Sherlock to help me take my mind off everything - at least for a little while.

basics

Came across this article yesterday thanks to a former teacher/coach (thanks Walsh). Here are a couple things that really resonated with me:

"... we need to go back to the basics of living as disciples of Christ, living missionally for Christ and demonstrating the Gospel in tangible ways within our schools, workplaces and communities."

"... the fight over symbolic issues is backfiring, alienating people from the truths of the gospel rather than attracting them to it. The kind of Christianity the world responds to is the authentic "love your neighbor" kind. Its appeal can't be legislated through court battles and neither can courts stop its spread."

I'm still stewing on how this comes out and how to make it not just "good thoughts" in my head, but truth, Christ in action.

I read some debate about it where he had posted it and it was really good to get me beyond just thinking it was interesting and moving on with my day. I have some changing to do. Hope it gets you thinking too.

All Quiet on the (Mid)Western Front

It is. Really. Nothing to say.

Which is sort of the problem. I wish I had something to say, but everything rolling around in my mind is either so vague that it's not even possible to put into words, or it's not actually any different or clearer than the last time I tried to say something. In the mean time, I'm just going through each day trying to focus on what needs doing and not getting stressed about too much. At which I fail quite often, but hey - at least I'm trying, right?

For today, I am clinging to this: my God is bigger than anything I could ever dream. And He is the one in control. Of everything. So I can take each moment as it comes and trust Him wholly for the future.

Even the future 5 minutes from now.

strange encouragement

For this week, just read this.

Thanks, Leash, for sharing it.
Thanks to God for loving us the way He does.

a little (lunch) can go a long way

Today, a coworker brought made-me-let-her-get-me lunch.

After a day full of meetings and adding things to my already full to-do list, it was the biggest blessing.

Sometimes the smallest act of caring and kindness is the hugest thing - and just what someone needs.

Don't forget to look for those acts of service you can share with others. God uses you for that purpose, and when He nudges, it's for a bigger reason than you even know.

Today, I was the lucky one to be blessed by someone responding with "yes" instead of just letting the moment slide by. And will carry me through the rest of a day I didn't think I could finish.

still praying

Remember a couple days ago, I was praying for strangers?
Well, today I am still praying. I just can't get them off my mind this week. It is almost distracting, which tells me two things.

1. Chad and Chris still need to be prayed for regardless of which week it is.
2. I need to not worry so much about what could be or will be or anything else, and trust God.

So I pray.

I have been praying for them often this week, and each time I do, I feel a little more at peace. I still have no idea if I'll ever meet -or even talk with- them, but I do know that what they are doing and what I am doing and what we will continue to do in our lives, through any and all changes, God is in control. And that is why we are here on the earth: to do His will and bring Him glory, hopefully while sharing His love and His life with others.

God, wherever Chad is today, bless him. Give him energy, courage, excitement. Help him make decisions for your Kingdom, not for his own glory. Encourage his family. Keep him safe.

Be with Chris also. Let joy flow out of his heart, and let it overflow to those around him. Give him wisdom as he pursues Your will. Give him safety as he strives to bring You glory where he is this moment. May his heart shine brightly and shout that You are near.

Lord, keep these men close to You that each step they take is clearly aligned with the plan You have set before them.

Amen.

figuring things out

I think I may have just come upon a discovery about myself. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Every Monday for the past 3 weeks, I have felt overwhelmed. like, elephant sitting on my chest so I can't breathe overwhelmed. It's really irritating. and it's frustrating because it makes me think that maybe I have a problem that can't be solved. And I can't just keep trying to get through it because it takes until about Wednesday to feel better at all, by which time I'm still so busy that I can hardly keep up and I just pray constantly that the most important things will get done by Friday.

So what I realized today is that when I get a whole lot of information at once, it is overwhelming. If I get it piecemeal, though, it isn't much better. I started thinking about why this is such an issue, and came up with... well.

Here's the weird part: its like word problems in math. I hate those. Seriously, they are the worst ever. Just give me the problem, teach me how to solve it, and let me go. I'm not great at math overall, but word problems have always been one of the hardest things for me to figure out. "But it's just an algebra equation," you say. Yeah, I know. I just don't get them. It's a story, and I know there are things that need to be figured out. That much is clear. And there's a train, and people traveling (or objects), and we'd like to know what time they'll get from A to B or how fast they're going or something. But with the way you've told me the story, my brain just can't figure out which number or letter belongs to which part of the equation to solve it. When I walk through it with someone, it becomes so extremely clear that I can't believe I couldn't see it myself, but I sure couldn't.

It feels the same way when I get a ton of information from anywhere. I know I can figure out eventually what there is to be done, and when it needs to be done, but getting there takes so much work, so much time, that often, I feel like the deadline will pass before I even know what it is that needs doing. So, sitting in a meeting at work, taking notes, highlighting or starring those things that seem like "do" points and making note of their due dates is all well and good. But then I leave the meeting, and there is so much more there than I have specific record of in my notes. It's all there, too, but I just can't see it. And it overwhelms me.

I'm 30! Shouldn't I be able to figure these things out by now without all the stress?

Stupid word problems. I tried to learn you. Really, I did. When they told me in junior high and high school that I'd need these dumb math skills the rest of my life, I believed them. It just didn't seem to help. Cuz word problems are still killing me today.

I don't know how I feel about this. In some ways it makes me feel a little better about how stressed I am because this is something I've always struggled with. On the other hand, it's really awful, because it's something I've always struggled with.