I believe I made a promise....

One that I have not yet fulfilled.

Here is the promise.

Here is part of the reason it hasn't been fulfilled.

And now, the new promise:
The fulfillment is coming.

Tomorrow night.

Wondering why - and it's not good.

------- we interrupt this broadcast to bring you some ranting--------

Why it always seems like money is wasted when the product isn't exactly what you'd expected, but saved money and will work great - help with limitations, help with little hands, help with budget. Why is it that you must order new, larger bags (which cost more to begin with) and then have to pay for rush processing and shipping?

Why does it always happen when it is the most stressful time already?

Why is it that no one can make a decision without going through someone else?

Why is it that there seems to be no trust, no appreciation, no team attitude, no lifting others up, only pushing them down - hard and fast?

Why?


I know: let's stress everyone out past their limit (x10) and see how long they last. Then when we need to replace 4 people, and are wondering why, maybe this will be the telling thing. Will this be remembered?

No. No, it won't.

Coming Soon...

Update on the conference to San Diego.

In other words, I'll be posting the eventful/insightful/interesting/hilarious/cool parts of the past 4 days (March 14-17).

Look for it.
You know you want to.

Welcome to the Busy Season

This is it.

With Easter fast approaching, volunteer needs growing, tasks multiplying, and... I don't even know what else, I am finding myself out of whack. or feeling whacked. whichever.

Occasionally, things make me smile hugely, but mostly it's the insane laughing that comes with losing your mind. and i'm not the only one doing it... sometimes I wonder if the folks downstairs can here our crazy laughter and wonder what in the world is going on up in our little corner of the building...

Crazy, longer than planned (or completely unplanned-at least by us) meetings, too much to do in not enough time, longer hours than should be legal, and a mind that doesn't stop thinking about it all when it leaves the building. Woah.

in fact, i've been so busy that this is Day 3 of trying to write this post. I began it on Tuesday afternoon. yikes. and i'm so distracted and ... unable to make any sense in my brain right now, that i can't even think of a good way to end this post. so this is it.

over. over and out.

Goodness Gracious, by B. Reith

Well these mountains I’m climbing
One step at a time
And keep on getting more steeper
Valley’s getting deeper

I’m not sure how much further
I’ve got 'til it's over
I keep looking for a short cut
Stressed out and getting worked up

But you told me to be still
Know this is your will

Goodness gracious
I’m so anxious
How much longer can I take this?
What happened to all my patience?
Where did it go?

I’m gonna hold on
Keep on waiting
Keep the blank from dissipating
Keep these hopes and dreams from fading
oh oh uh oh

Well I’m tired of all these questions
Keep on second guessing
I’ve been taught the lesson
It’s not getting through

I’ve felt so much pressure
That I can't even measure
But when I’ve become lesser
That’s when you come through

Yeah, you told me to be still
Know this is your will

Goodness gracious
I’m so anxious
How much longer can I take this?
What happened to all my patience?
Where did it go?

I’m gonna hold on
Keep on waiting
Keep the hope from dissipating
Keep these hopes and dreams from fading
oh oh uh oh

Do not be anxious and do not be afraid
But be strong and courageous instead
Be patient in affliction faithful in prayer
Because our God is with us
He will deliver
He is mighty to save

Goodness gracious
I’m so anxious
How much longer can I take this?
What happened to all my patience?
Where did it go?

I’m gonna hold on
Keep on waiting
Keep the hope from dissipating
Keep these hopes and dreams from fading
oh oh uh oh

getting sucked in

there are far too many sites to interact with/watch/see pictures of/stalk other people. strange. very.

and yet.

i'm getting sucked in.
wholly and completely.
and quickly.

it's rather frightening.


it all started with email. darn that new internet thing. back in the... whenever it was... moving on.

then came facebook - and i held off. it got huge while i was in college, but i didn't really care. heck, i hardly checked email that much, except when i had to for class stuff. suddenly, it was how i stayed in contact with my couple friends from high school, and those who had graduated from college - i believe it began with staying in touch over the first summer. i graduated, email was part of everyday life, like phone calls. no biggie.

and then.
facebook.
i caved. it is now part of my life - like email. although it seems to be dwindling in many ways - especially with people my age. it seems to still be pretty big with high schoolers and with parents who keep family and friends updated about their kids and such. i must admit, i love being able to see pics of my sweet niece whenever my brother or sister have time to post them. i also am thrilled with the fact that i can keep updated with friends and family who live out of town, out of state, even out of the country. fabulous. even if it's getting 'old' it still serves a fairly decent purpose.

ok. so. recap: email - check. facebook - check. twitter? youtube? blogging? others? not so much. yet.

sure, i used youtube to look stuff up, i watch videos. i do not videoblog. i don't have a youtube channel. although, thanks to mrboyproductions, i started check their youtube channel (and now a few others) from time to time. great videos. example here.

then my brother stepped in.
he uses the internet in a way i hadn't even thought about (really) before. he gets to know people. part of this is because he's just cool like that. when he was in edinburgh, he met some of these people. but he 'knew' several of them before. crazy. he plays chess. he makes up riddles. they converse, trade ideas, jokes, favorite beers. he met this one guy from scotland. well, before that he sent me this video (very funny) to watch, that a friend had shared with him. and he kept following this scottish guy and shortly thereafter found and sent me this one (yes, we're Doctor Who fans...) and then ... he (my bro) met him when he was there for a year. they're actually friends now - at least from what i can gather.

then i began this blog. it's been a year and a half already - what??!?!? - and this (woah) is my 100th post (woot!). crazy.

when my brother was home for christmas he showed me all these sites - the chess ones (yup, more than one), the discussion forums, twitter, dailybooth, etc.

two days ago, i joined twitter.
i'm still not sure how i feel about that.


i think i'm secretly stalking my own brother.
and i may not even know it.
creepy.

The Impact of Interactions

It's been a crazy couple weeks, and the last couple days have packed quite a punch. I've been thinking about leadership and spiritually deep subjects from time to time, but not as much as I had been lately. I've been so busy that by the time I get home and *ahem* have time to think, I'm too tired. All I can think is: food, something-to-dull-my-brain-from-thinking-about-work (tv/movie), read, and sleep. Sometimes that doesn't work, and I don't sleep enough and thus, have a rough day the next day. Today was especially tough. So, I came home more exhausted than ever, and ate some junk and spent time watching a kids' movie to cheer me up (ironically, I watched Disney's UP). Then I got a tiny wind and decided to make a few notes about the things that have been on my mind: interactions and connections with others, and how they affect leadership.

This thought from my friend Mike (see my last post for more) is very true: "...don’t network just for the sake of 'building a huge number of connections.' Provide value, add to the conversation, help people without expecting anything in return." I don't necessarily agree with everything Mike said, but there was a lot of good in there. Too many people don't think about "connections" this way -- they just like the numbers. "I have X,000 friends on Facebook, myspace, Twitter, etc." It doesn't seem to matter how often they really connect with those people, or how sincere or impactful those connections are at any given point in time. The number is what matters most. Sometimes it's the only thing that does. And that can't be good - for anyone. And, it doesn't matter that you "get something" back. It's about doing, not getting. Don't just be there to be there. Do something. Make a difference - even if it's small. Our culture isn't inclined to think that way enough, if at all.

Then today, I had some negative interactions. Most of them originated from others. The ones that came from me were (mostly) in response to those that were directed at/to me. I am fairly confident that these folks did not intend to act negatively toward me; but they did. They caused a busy day to become more stressful, to overload my already slow mind, to cause me some emotional upheaval. Now, I will take ownership of my reactions. I know that I am a very emotional person, even for a girl; always have been. It is something I strive to keep in check every day.

However, when stressers and such interfere with whatever it is I am trying to accomplish/think about/do, I lose some of the control over my emotional reins because I have to divert that energy into roping in that other situation. Somehow, someday, I hope to overcome this problem better than I have thus far, and to be able to keep those emotions in check more easily, and let them out only when necessary. [I feel the need to note that I truly believe God has created me in a way that causes me to have emotions that are more affected by outside situations/people/stimuli than most other people. When I see someone hurting, I often hurt with them, and don't always understand why. When I feel like I haven't done my best, or have let someone down, I have an emotional response. It isn't very pleasant. (Yes, some of that is a self-esteem problem, we'll tackle that another day.) Often, this helps me sympathize with people in a way others may not be able to do. Other times, it causes issues with my emotional stability.] But when my emotions "act up" there isn't much I can do to hold them in check, hard as I try. This can mean I'm exceedingly giddy and happy, or very depressed and feeling useless and unwanted. How can leaders be missing what needs to be watched for, so that people who follow them (those who are like me, and those who are not) do not end up in these jumbled, crazy states of mind?

Leaders must always be aware of the impact their interactions have on those they lead. That means the interactions you have face-to-face, email-to-email, voicemail-to-voicemail, or even through another person. The impact of interactions (and the importance of awareness) is often lost when you lose the face-to-face. I believe it is even harder when it is through that third party person. There is still human interaction going on (and not through a technology medium) but it is just as severely disconnected for the leader (maybe even more so), and can often result in reactions by the follower and the "go-between" that can be extremely unpleasant for both. Thus, it is vitally important to be aware of the impact you are having through any interaction - personal or impersonal - with a follower. I realize this sounds like a big obligation, and it is. Leadership is an immense responsibility that should not be taken lightly. But it is also a great blessing if done properly - for both the leader and the follower(s).

The way you interact (or don't interact) with others is extremely important - whether you're a leader or not. It says a ton about who you are, how you work, how you think, what's important to you, who's important to you. It affects the way the people around you feel about many things - the situation, the environment you're in, you, even themselves. People who understand the importance of interactions and the tenor of them are often people in leadership (not always, mind you, but often). Think about it; how do you interact throughout each day?