on being creative

i have a very creative mind.
but you'd (probably) never know it.

i have a very detailed, organized mind too.
now you're nodding your head. you know that version of me.

sometimes i worry... strike that. sometimes i am terrified that if i let my creativity out someone will see it. "What!?!?" you ask. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do with creativity? Let it out?"

well, yes.
but i am also an introvert. which means the inner workings of my mind are very intense, very detailed, and very private. it also means that letting anyone in (or anything out) is a very scary venture.

i have done it a few times.
i shared a short story, the beginning of a... book(?), and a poem. i love these things. i got wonderful feedback - not all positive, but none that was mean or overly harsh - critical to help me improve. it was amazing.

and i like the organized me. i love new pens, sharpened pencils, paper, lists to check off, lines to draw on. my favorite paper right now (yes, i have a favorite paper) is the graphed moleskein ones. to write in one of those is absolute JOY. i am not kidding. (some of you know exactly what i mean.)

i like that i can spot or think of details to make something happen that doesn't cross another's mind (though admittedly sometimes that is annoying as well).

there have been so many days lately when i have longed to write. the only way i can describe it is that i feel an itch to write. like i can't stand/sit still because i feel like i need to work on one of my writing projects. thinking over them gets me excited. but then i get home after work, when i have time, and just stare at the screen. and the idea of ever finishing, and beyond that, sharing it with anyone outside my own head... YIKES.

like i said, terrifying.
i even think, having written this much, that part of that is why there's been a FOUR month (!) lag on this blog. today, i decided enough was enough, and something had to give. get the itch out.

i have a very creative, yet detailed, organized, and introverted mind.
this post is the next step to making it work itself out.   ;)