Friday, October 24, 2008


So, as my last post could be perceived as negative, and I'm sorta having a rough day (still), I've decided to post some of the items that are scattered around my desk at work, which are supposed to help me be encouraged, and remember why I do what I do.

Some are verses, some are quotes, some are poems, some are thoughts...
Here it goes:

"But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, & the One Who lifts my head." Psalm 3:3

"Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love." 1 Corinthians 16: 13-14

If you remove the idea of God [i.e. there is no God] there is no reason to live.
monk in ... I can't remember where...Germany or Austria, maybe?)

If someone really knows God, there is no reason for disquiet.
(same blind monk.)

peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. (unknown)

"Be still and know that He is God." Psalm 46:10 ("my" verse from my mom)

I follow a leadership blog from a former teacher/coach of mine (read it here) and there is a post about the magic of leading that I have printed and stuck on my bulletin board because it encourages and inspires me as I work through each day and circumstance.

I find encouragement that at work, every so often, people just drop absolutely everything in the middle of crazy times just to pray over someone or something that is going on. It is truly great to work with other believers. However, as I have not always had this in my life, I learned what it really means to pray without ceasing. I often find myself talking to God in my head (or even out loud) about whatever is in there.

every situation: good or bad. funny or sad. hard or easy. scary or just because. Trust me, talking to God "all the time" is easier than it sounds, and it helps you to realize that He really is there all the time with you. I leave you for now with one question to ask yourself constantly. I have it written in a place that I see everytime I leave or enter my desk area (which happens quite often in the course of a day).

Are you following His plan?
It's the best one there is.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


or the lack thereof.

This will be very short, I promise.

Just wanted to state that there are some days where I lose hope. I feel utterly hopeless. It will never end, it will end too soon, it won't happen right, it can't be done, I'm not good enough to do it well, or maybe at all. I fear so many dumb things but no matter how much I tell myself they are dumb, I can't seem to shake the hopelessness. I know others feel this way as well, and thus, I know I'm not as alone as I feel. (You should take this as a good thing, because when you feel this way, now you know that you are not alone either.)

All I can think to do is pray. So...

...pray I shall...

Friday, October 17, 2008

Getting excited about...

Yes, I admit it.

I am already getting overly excited about Christmas. I smell the scent of burning leaves (prompting the desire for fires in the fireplace), the crisp fall air (yay!- although some would simply say "cold"), and wake up freezing in the morning because I have left my window open overnight. I have been fighting the very strong urge to listen to Christmas music all the time. Not just one or two songs here or there, but to indulge in the joys of listening to it and (almost) nothing else. Not quite there, but almost.

Wow. I think I may have a problem.

In fact, tonight as I was trying to decide what movie to put on while I was cleaning my house, I seriously contemplated putting on the VHS tape with all the children's Christmas movies that I love so much.

Well, I talked myself out of that, and ended up watching something that was on...while I figured out how to start my "automatic" gas fireplace. (I had to cave into something!) It was fabulous! Never having had a gas fireplace before (shoot me, I've had real ones, where you actually use wood), it was quite interesting. I was actually a little afraid to light a match near it (it is gas, which is extremely flammable, in case you were wondering), but didn't really know what else to do. So, I turned on the gas, hoping it was actually as low as I thought it was, and proceeded to light a match. Whoosh! Flames! Ah! However, they were not as big as I feared, and (as this thing is obviously designed for this) it immediately calmed down and became a nice, warming, comforting fire. And yes, I cross-stich, crochet, & embroider while I sit by the fire.

And in case you were wondering, it seems that I am an 80-year old-woman. Who likes Christmas alot.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Wondering is the beginning...

Today, as I sat in my office, I found myself wondering something: how could I feel so restless right now, in this time in my life? I am self-supported, doing well at work (today held a few instances that were definitely good), I have friends who care about me (& whether I drop off the face of the earth or not), and I am in relatively good health. Thus, my restless, anxious feeling - which I just cannot shake - begs the question: why??

Now, I readily admit that the good things at work today were not at all my own claim entirely. There were MANY people without whom, I could never have accomplished what I did. However, I did have a large part in it, and much of the responsibility was mine. And, I did well. Despite all this, and the positive comments that were made to me and about me, I still felt like I'd rather crawl into a dark hole and hide for awhile. I think I was fairly pleasant to those with whom I had interaction, and even can recall a few laughs throughout the day. Why then is there this restless, uncomfortable feeling?

I can only guess what is going on here. Either God is trying to teach me something, to prepare me for something in the future; or the devil is trying to disrupt everything and get in the way of me doing the best I can for my Lord. I'm pretty much hoping it's the first option (wouldn't you?).

SO, as I type this out, I see that I am no closer to knowing "why" than I was at 9:00 this morning, but I do know one thing: God is bigger than the boogie man, and He will win this battle I am fighting. That is the only way I have hope for tomorrow. And because of Him, I can rest easy, put my restlessness aside for the night, and have faith that He will show me the way... His time.

And I want to wake up "kicking and screaming", and lift my eyes to Him, and no one else.